The past two Comings of the Leaves, however, had been much harder. After his Blackening, the pressures on High Fox grew extreme. People expected more of a man than they did a boy, and High Fox never seemed able to meet those expectations. Especially his father’s. He hadn’t been free to see Sun Conch as often, but she’d understood. When they did sit together, she had been content.
Sun Conch cocked her ear.
Panther had awakened. She could hear him speaking softly to someone inside-the long house She sighed. As soon as he found her, there would be work to do. Not that she minded. He had kept his part of the bargain. She would certainly keep hers.
She turned when Panther rounded the corner of the house. His gray hair was wild from sleep, and he looked only half-awake. He stood yawning and scratching his side. His gaze landed on her, and he walked forward.
“You are up early,” he said.
“I couldn’t sleep, Elder.”
“Homesick?”
“No,” she said vehemently. “I never wish to see my family again.”
He gave her a wan smile, as though she’d told him she was dying from a strange fever that he knew would pass. “Then you must be fretting about High Fox.”
Sun Conch lowered her gaze to the damp toes of her moccasins. How could he say High Fox’s name with such distaste? “You don’t know him, Elder. If you did, you would respect him.”
Panther sank to the ground a pace in front of her. His faded old eyes had a puffy look, and his wrinkles etched his face so deeply, it appeared sculpted from brown clay. The worn blanket around his shoulders didn’t hide his shivering.
Panther said, “Do you want me to tell you the truth? Or would a decorous lie be better?”
“I’m not sure, Elder. Your truths usually leave me feeling bludgeoned with a war club.”
“They’re meant to.”
Sun Conch waved a hand. “Go ahead. Tell me the truth.”
For a time, Panther watched the birds chirping and hopping across the thatch roof. Their songs had just begun to serenade the dawn, and he seemed to be enjoying them. “You can tell a good deal about a man by the way he treats others, don’t you agree, Sun Conch?”
“Yes, Elder. I do.”
“Good.” He kicked at a stone lodged in the frozen earth near his feet. “High Fox is a user. He uses whomever he can, whenever he can. He’s just used you for so long, you think that’s the way it’s supposed to be.”
“Elder,” she said, exasperated, “have you ever loved someone?”
“Yes. I have. Deeply.”
The tone in his voice made her stomach muscles go tight. She felt as if she’d just plunged a deer-bone stiletto into his belly and twisted it. “Then why don’t you understand my love for High Fox?”
“I do understand, Sun Conch. I understand that young love is a very powerful thing. It is also, too often, very foolish.”
Her mouth gaped. “Elder, how can you say that? All I want in life is to give myself to High Fox. I want him to have my whole soul. I would already have given it to him if… if…”
Panther waited, and when she said no more, he calmly finished for her, “If he’d wanted it. But, he didn’t. You should be very grateful for that.”
“But—”
“Sun Conch, do you know what would have happened if he’d allowed you to give yourself to him? And I don’t mean in body, child. I mean your soul.”
Half-angry, she snapped, “What?”
“First of all, he wouldn’t have known what to do with it. He doesn’t know what to do with his own soul, let alone yours. He would have played with your soul like a toy, tossing it about, seeing how much it could take, until he finally broke it. Then he would have cast your soul aside, Sun Conch. What man wants something broken?”
She hesitated. “My love wouldn’t have been broken, Elder. Wouldn’t he have still wanted that?” Panther closed one eye. “You speak of love as if you think it’s easy.”
“It is. I mean, for me. Loving High Fox is the easiest thing I have ever done.”
“Loving is work, girl. And hard labor, at that. The hardest any human being can ever attempt.”
Incredulous, she whispered, “Perhaps it was for you.”
Panther sat back and tugged on his blanket, pulling it down over his exposed knees. “Sun Conch, doesn’t it disturb you that High Fox’s necklace was found in Red Knot’s hand? That he was coupling with her when she was a girl? That last is certainly not the action of an honorable man.”
She fingered the hide of her dress. She had all but asked the same thing of High Fox when she’d begged him to run away with her and told him she could be his wife. She had no right to condemn High Fox for loving Red Knot. Though the discovery of his necklace had bothered her. “The coupling … that wasn’t honorable. You are right, Elder. But there must be a reasonable explanation-for the necklace. High Fox would never have hurt Red Knot. I know it.”