People of the Lightning(156)
“You laid it in the game trail perfectly. When the raccoon stepped into it, he didn’t know what hit him.”
“Yes,” Pondwader smiled. “I found him dangling by his foot from the tree branch where I had secured my snare.” His smile faded, and he frowned down at his blanket. It had been a baby raccoon. When the little animal saw Pondwader coming through the trees, it had cried out in fear, and the sound had pierced Pondwader clean to the souls. The hardest part had been the killing. He’d used his knife to saw through the raccoon’s windpipe. The whole time the animal was suffocating, he watched Pondwader with wide forgiving eyes. Animals understood death better than humans … .
“What are you thinking about?” Musselwhite asked.
“The little raccoon—what happened after I killed him.”
Gently, she asked, “And what was that?”
Pondwader could not look at her. He fumbled with the corner of his blanket. “I couldn’t help it, Musselwhite. I sat down in the middle of the trail and cried. I know we needed the meat, especially you, to rebuild your strength, and I didn’t regret killing the raccoon, I just …”
“You just hurt.” Musselwhite reached over and tipped his chin up to peer into his eyes. “Why couldn’t you look at me when you told me that?”
He hesitated. “I was afraid you might be ashamed of me.”
“For weeping over his death? For caring deeply about other creatures? How could I be ashamed that you understand the preciousness of life?” She smiled wearily. “Pondwader, that is your greatest strength.”
He reached for her hand and held it. “You always know how to soothe my hurts. Thank you … and now go to sleep, my wife. You need it very badly. I’m sorry I’ve kept you awake this long.”
Musselwhite patted the blanket beside her, and Pondwader snuggled against her again, listening to the steady rhythm of her heartbeat, drowning in the comforting rise and fall of her breathing.
Musselwhite lightly kissed his forehead. “I do need sleep, Pondwader, but more than that, I need you to tell me about your dream.”
“Really, it wasn’t important.”
“Are you afraid I won’t believe you? I will. I must, Pondwader.”
He frowned. “You must?”
She nodded against his hair. “Yes. I can’t afford to dismiss anything now. We are too close to Standing Hollow Horn Village, and in too much danger. I need every scrap of information I can get. I wish you would trust me.”
“Oh, but I do trust you!” he blurted. “I trust you with all my heart, Musselwhite! It’s just that … well, I’m not sure that the things I’ve been feeling have anything to do with—”
“Pondwader,” she said through a tired exhalation. “Just tell me. Please.”
He nodded against her shoulder. “The Lightning Bird has been moving. Inside me.”
“Moving? Like an unborn child, you mean?”
“Yes.”
As if thinking, she stroked his hair for several moments. “So the Bird is growing?”
He nodded again, wishing he could see her expression, but afraid to. “And there’s music.”
Musselwhite’s hand hovered over his shoulder. “Music?”
“Yes, it’s curious. And very, very beautiful. Almost too beautiful to bear. Shishes and booms, and crackles, and beneath them all a deep constant drum roll. Thunder music. That’s what I call it, anyway.”
Pondwader felt Musselwhite cock her head. “How strange,” she whispered.
“What?”
“Just before each of my children were born, I thought I could sense fear from them, fear and uncertainty about being born. It might have been my own emotions I was feeling, but I thought it came from my children. So I used to sing to them in my womb. It seemed to soothe them. To ease their fears.” Moonlight filled the forest, and momentarily sheathed the trees and grass with glitters of silver. Musselwhite kept silent for a time, then said, “If that is Glade inside you, perhaps … perhaps he’s trying to soothe you, Pondwader. As I once did him.”
“To ease my fears … about his being born?”
“Yes. Are you frightened, Pondwader?”
Pondwader put his arm around her waist and hugged her tightly. His voice came out hoarse. “Very much, my wife.”
Musselwhite nuzzled her cheek against the top of his head. “I wish I knew what to say to help you, Pondwader. But I’ve spent so much of my life trying to avoid Spirit Power, that now … well, I’m not—”
“It’s all right, my wife. Just hearing your voice eases me.”