Rattling Hooves studied her pensively. "I didn't know that we'd begun raising adults at so young an age. When I was your age, just out of the menstrual lodge, I was interested in men, trying them all, learning what coupling was about. My concern was to make as many of my friends as jealous as I could. I tried to marry the most handsome man available. And here you are, worrying about only one and what he'll do to your life. Most girls your age are too wrapped up in themselves to think that far ahead."
Rattling Hooves paused, a frown lining her features. "Or is it that you've only had one man? Maybe it's a lack of experience? Hmm? Could that be it? You've thrown all of yourself into Little Dancer when he's the only man around who can—"
"No." She shook her head stubbornly. "I've thought about that. I've thought about all the things Tanager and Cricket and I promised ourselves we'd do. Sometimes, I lie awake at night and watch the firelight on the rock overhead and try to think what man I'd rather have. I don't just mean in our band—but among all the Red Hand. Snaps Horn had always been the one I dreamed of. But compared to the fire of Little Dancer, Snaps Horn is a mild ember. I still like him, and maybe if Little Dancer left I'd still go to him. But Little Dancer's different.''
"They all are," her mother reminded wryly.
"I mean it. He's . . . well, so kind. He's been hurt. Tell me, when you look into his eyes, what do you see?"
Rattling Hooves shifted uncomfortably. She considered for a moment, the gentle lines of her face thoughtful. "Yes, I know what you mean. I see the same thing in his father's eyes. But I can trust Hungry Bull. He wouldn't hurt me. He's mature, a man who knows himself and where he'll be tomorrow, or next year. He has that sense of identification with others . . . that what was done to him can't be inflicted on anyone else. I've known men who'd do that, turn their pain on someone else. Blood Bear would. He'd make another pay for what was done to him by life."
"Little Dancer wouldn't do that. He wouldn't hurt me."
"Not knowingly." Rattling Hooves shifted, taking up Elk Charm's hands; her serene eyes probed her daughter's. "What I wonder is, what he'll do if the Power asks?"
Swallowing hard, Elk Charm lifted her shoulders, enjoying the warmth of her mother's hands. "I don't think he knows himself. I've asked, and he says he's not the one. He repeats that over and over."
"Like he's trying to convince himself?"
Elk Charm's heart tripped. "Blood and dung, I hope not!" Yet she knew she'd made up her mind. She'd savor every moment with him, keep each of his smiles as her own. And if the Power proved stronger than she? Well, that rocky and forbidding ridge would have to be scaled when the time came. Pray to the Wise One that she could do it.
"You know"—Rattling Hooves paused, trying to pick her words—"the others are beginning to worry. When Little Dancer Dreams at night, and makes the noises, it wakes the children. Makes Fun and Meadowlark are getting nervous."
"They're living in a new land, learning new things. We're all cramped up in that little shelter and the winter seems like it will never end."
"Sure, we're all tired of each other. But part of the eon-stant tension is caused by Little Dancer." Rattling Hooves pulled her knee up. "I've done a little talking to Two Smokes myself. He's no fool; he can feel things coming to trouble."
Elk Charm's gut twisted.
"Ah, yes, you know, don't you, daughter? You can feel it, too."
"What . . . what did Two Smokes say?"
Rattling Hooves lifted her chin slightly, tightening her grip. "Listen to me, Elk Charm, and remember that I'd never hurt you. Do you know that? That you're my most precious—"
"Yes, I know."
"And you know that I'd only tell you what I honestly thought was the best for you. That you don't need to do anything you don't want to and I can only advise."
Elk Charm nodded, a misery spreading.
"Two Smokes thinks that Little Dancer needs to go see White Calf. Wait! Hear me out first. Two Smokes thinks White Calf can help Little Dancer find his way, now that the Power's changed between them. That if Little Dancer keeps fighting it within himself, he'll tear his soul in half. When that time comes, you'll have to let him go."
Elk Charm swallowed against the numbness.
"Will you think about it?"
She nodded, a cry stifled on her lips.
Blood Bear lay on his back tugging at one long braid with a callused hand. The other hand batted a willow switch against the scuffed hide of the Wolf Bundle. Face pinched, he scowled at the talisman of his people. What did it all mean? The lodge around him pressed down, stifling, boring. This winter, he'd chafed, waiting for spring and the long summer light.