I shook my head. “I had to get out, and try and get far enough away that you’d never find me.”
“Then you didn’t hear me telling him that I wasn’t going to fulfill our agreement? That I wasn’t going to ask you to marry Edward? You didn’t hear me telling him that I care about you too much to ever let you go, and that I wanted you for my own?”
I looked down. This was what I wanted to hear, wasn’t it? But I thought that morning — it seemed so long ago now. I’d thought that morning he’d showed me he cared, and then he was laughing on the phone about me and Edward. It was too confusing, the sense of betrayal had dug in deep. I shook my head.
“You were laughing as you talked.”
His eyes looked inward. “Was I? God, I can’t remember. Too much has gone on. I …” He sat forward again.
“Toni, please believe me. I care more about you and how you feel than myself. Please let me help you. I can’t bear to think of what you thought and what’s happened to you.”
I looked down. I couldn’t take this intensity and make good decisions. I began to lever myself forwards. Damn. I knew this would be impossible to get out of.
James made as if to stand up. “Can I help? Where are you going?”
“No.” I pushed hard with my arms. “Just going to have some of that coffee. It smells so good after what I’ve been having.”
He grinned. “There you go.” And he handed me the cup.
“Thanks.” I stayed sitting on the edge though. I might just need a quick getaway.
I sniffed at the heavenly aroma and looked across the room. The only other guests were at the other end, and we were still private.
“Toni?” James’ voice was gentle.
“Mmm?”
“We seem to be at the point of no return for you to go back and work there because of your back. Is that right?”
I shrugged. “I suppose so.”
“Where were you thinking of going to?”
I looked up, startled. “I hadn’t had time to think. I mean, I knew a couple days ago that I couldn’t stay, but you’re just so busy all the time. And I hadn’t anywhere to go.”
There was a long pause, and he stirred his coffee absently, obviously deep in thought. Then he looked up.
“I know we can’t go backwards, Toni, but would you consider moving back home? Not to the house. I know that would probably be too much, but I could rent an apartment for you, or a room in a hotel? Then you could come in to the office, work on your app again, and maybe, maybe we could start again. I could perhaps earn your trust?”
There was a question in his voice. Not pleading, I didn’t think a man like James could do pleading, but he was giving me the option, offering me the choice.
I wondered idly if he’d just let me walk out if I said no.
“That sounds like a good idea.” As I said it I wondered where that had come from. I’d not intended to say that at all. But I didn’t get the chance to retract it.
“Thank you, Toni, thank you so much.” The relief in his voice was evident. He sat there quietly for a few minutes, and we were already back at the companionable silence stage. I wondered how I felt so comfortable so quickly. Maybe because he’d apologized so readily, not tried to make it feel as if it was all my fault.
“And would you mind if I organized you to see a doctor about your back? I think it ought to be checked out soon.”
I shook my head. “No. I’ll do that if it doesn’t get better. I think it’ll get better by itself.”
“But what if it …” He stopped as I shook my head at him.
“No. I need to control things a bit more.”
“All right.” He obviously wasn’t happy, but I needed to put some boundaries in.
He tried again. “I’d ask if you’d have your old phone back, so I know you have my number, but as we haven’t found it yet, I can’t, unless you tell me.” He grinned. “It’s still around, as we track it from time to time, but mostly it’s near home, or the office.” He looked surprised at my expression. “Go on, so where did you put it?”
I shrugged. “You haven’t found it? It’s in the glove compartment of the car.”
He fell back on the sofa, laughing as if he hadn’t laughed in a long time. “Damnation! And I’ve had men stopping and searching cabs whenever they’ve seemed close to the location. And it’s my own damn car!”
I found I was grinning too. It was so nice to see him happier. He drained his coffee.
“So, Antonia. Apartment or hotel?” He crooked an eyebrow at me. I didn’t have to think.