But maybe I was wrong. Maybe he’d been looking at lots of possible girls and maybe he’d chosen me because he did feel the attraction between us. Even if he didn’t, maybe he’d learn to love me, once we were — and I swallowed — married.
I wondered what life would be like. Would I still be able to have my own dreams, decide things for myself? Probably not. Maybe it wouldn’t work. I sighed, and cut off a tiny mouthful of the steak. To my amazement, tender and delicious, it hardly needed chewing.
James sat back and looked speculatively across the table at me. “Perhaps I should’ve waited until you’d enjoyed your meal before telling you what this is about.” He didn’t look sorry, though.
“As a family, we need a future Countess who can run the Estate staff. A Countess who can deal with all types of people. A Countess who looks good, and aristocratic, and is able to be in control of any type of situation.” He let me think about that during the next interruption.
Our coffee steamed the aroma around me, making the bitter taste of the diner coffee not worthy of the name.
“Will you think about it, Toni?” James’ voice drew my mind back from the diner. “Your birthright has been snatched from you. You have the right to live as a member of an old, titled family. The right to be secure in your life and your future.”
“I … yes, I’ll need to think.” My mind was spinning and it wasn’t the champagne or the wine. “Excuse me a moment.” I got up and went to find the restroom.
I stood, looking around. He’d brought me here and he knew the staff here, so he came here often. It wasn’t showing off to me. But this room — just the restroom — was palatial. The gleaming, polished tiles and the glittering faucets. The rolled hand towels, the hand wash and lotion bottles in silver dispensers. Just this room was bigger than my whole room and shared facilities all together. Much bigger.
If I understood him right, I might not have to live the way I did for very much longer. But I was sure there was a price. Maybe it would be worth it, but was it the right way? Would I ever be able to move on if I wanted to? And what about my app, my dream of making it in my own right, by my own efforts?
I turned and looked at myself in the vast, spot-free mirror. I was tall, but gangly and looked really out of place here. The best clothes I possessed, and the best effort I’d made to look nice, they didn’t really work. I stood up straighter, put my chin up and put a snooty expression on my face. Better. I imagined myself in a ballgown, descending a sweeping staircase on James’ arm, and my insides clenched. My mind took over, and I was in a huge bedroom, my gown dropping, pooling around my ankles. James was pulling me towards him, his mouth descending onto mine, Toni, my love he whispered and his hands roamed my body.
I took a deep breath, a very deep breath and found I had to lean against the cool restroom wall. My throbbing pussy lips felt swollen and tender, and I could feel dampness seeping. Oh God! Could I do this? But could I walk away? Whether he felt attracted to me or not, there was no doubt that I was attracted to him.
But, marriage?
* * *
I was still asking myself the question as I peered into my tiny, spotty mirror in my room later that evening. James hadn’t wanted to talk more.
“Just think about what I’ve said so far, Toni. There’s been a huge amount for you to take in. Just think about it, and let the surprise settle. I’ll call you in a couple of days, then we can talk some more.” Then he’d changed the subject and we’d talked about his home, where he’d grown up, and life in England.
Edward
“Come on, Edward, it’s a great opportunity, old boy.” Terence’s drawl cut through my pounding headache, and I groaned. Why did my head ache so much? Perhaps I needed a drink. I rolled over. What the fuck was I doing here, lying on a soiled mattress in a sleazy-looking room with my vision blurred?
I glanced over at the table. Traces of white powder and a few torn papers told me all I needed to know. My life had taken a wrong turn sometime in the past and I hadn’t the first clue how to get out of it.
“You haven’t been listening, you sod.” Terence reached over and pulled at my lapels. I’d been sleeping in my suit again. I muttered angrily. Another suit ruined.
I laughed, imagining Father’s reaction. He’d go bleating off to little brother James. James, who my father doted on. James, who Father wished was the heir. Bloody nerd, I hated him for becoming what I should’ve become, what I could’ve become if it hadn’t been for the drugs, the drugs and the booze together, sliding me into oblivion.