But Jaxon was right. What good did it do for Kate to cling to her resentments? If she didn’t forgive her mother, she’d never heal. The resentment would continue to devour her until there was nothing left but an empty shell like her momma. She didn’t owe her mother forgiveness, but she did owe it to herself.
She might not drink a fifth a day and pass out on the couch with a lit cigarette in her hand, but if she didn’t let go of the hurt and anger, how long would it be before she did? Kate’s antianxiety meds were a crutch, a shield. Just because they were prescribed by a doctor didn’t mean they were any less dangerous. There had to be a better way to cope. For a moment, she’d thought maybe BDSM might be the answer, but without Jaxon, she wasn’t sure if she could bear to investigate whether the lifestyle was right for her.
Caden frowned. “And what about you, baby girl? Have you forgiven yourself?”
She opened her mouth to speak when the truth washed over her like a wave on the beach as it pulled back into sea, exposing the sandy layer beneath the shells. “Yeah. I think I have.”
The tears she’d shed in Jaxon’s playroom hadn’t only released years of grief and emotional pain. They had relieved her of the chains of guilt that held her prisoner. She’d even purchased her own gun, which she now carried in her purse, since the police had taken Nick’s as evidence in Miles Joseph’s death. Maybe one of these days, she’d make herself go to the range and overcome her fear of shooting.
A gorgeous smile replaced Caden’s frown. “Wow. Sounds like you’ve got a lot to share with me. Maybe I ought to come visit for Christmas.”
Other than having Christmas dinner with either Hannah or Tom, she’d ignored the holiday. It would be nice to be with family. Maybe they’d get a tree and decorate it. “You know I’d love that. You’ve always got an open invitation here, and that includes one to stay permanently. I never mind sharing my bed with you.”
“Wouldn’t Tom mind?”
“We broke up.”
“You have been busy.” He arched a brow. “Anything to do with your crush on the hot man who saved your life?”
Up until the last couple of weeks, he’d known practically everything about her including her longtime crush on Nick and her professional goals, but the conversation about Hannah and Tom’s affair, her foray into the world of kink, and her desire for two men was one they needed to have in person.
And definitely not one suitable at work, considering Lisa had just walked in with an armload of files. Lunchtime was officially over.
“It’s a long story. I promise I’ll fill you in when we’re together.” Wishing he was there to hold her, she touched the screen. “I love you, Caden.”
He lined up his fingers with hers. “Love you, baby girl.”
She ended the call and tossed the rest of her lunch in the trash. “What have you got for me, Lisa?”
The mousy secretary bounced on the balls of her feet and glanced over her shoulder. “Nothing. Mr. Trenton told me to file these.”
“If you’re too busy, I can do it for you.” They’d spent so much time wrapping up the Deveroux case that Nick hadn’t yet had the chance to assign her any additional cases. She needed something else to keep her mind occupied or she’d soon go crazy with boredom.
Lisa chewed on her lower lip. “Well . . . I am late for an appointment. Are you sure you don’t mind?”
She waved her hand. “Not at all.”
The secretary dropped the stack on Kate’s desk. “Thanks. I was supposed to have these filed last week, but with all the press scheduling I ended up doing for you both, I never got around to it. Would you mind not telling him?”
Lisa looked so nervous, Kate felt a bit sorry for her. Nick did have a way of intimidating those who didn’t know him. Hell, she considered him a close friend and he still intimidated her sometimes.
Kate made a motion like she was zipping her lips. “I won’t say a word. Don’t worry. I’ll do it right now and he’ll never know.”
Lisa huffed out a sigh and relaxed her shoulders. “Thanks. Because I’ve waited three months for this appointment and I’d hate to have to cancel.”
She shooed her out of the office. “Go. I got this.”
“Thanks. I owe you one.” Lisa smiled shyly and closed the door on the way out.
Kate picked up the top file and flipped it open. She’d grown tired of thinking about nothing but Jaxon for the last few days. How could she help it when every interview was about his wife’s murder and how hard she and Nick had worked to prove his innocence? Thank goodness her undercover work as a submissive remained secret. They were able to circumvent certain questions by using the attorney-client privilege or the work product doctrine as an excuse and simply left out the details of how they got the information that led them to Joseph’s computer and the knife in his desk.