Inhaling sharply, he palmed the back of her head. “I want you. You have no idea how much. When I heard that you had gone to Miles Joseph’s office without backup, I wanted to bend you over my knee, spank your ass for being reckless, and handcuff you to my wrist so you’d never be able to go anywhere without me. You’ve been my bright star in an otherwise dark sky this past week. But I don’t know if I have anything to give back.” He stepped back from her and rubbed a hand down the stubble of his cheek. “I’ve made so many mistakes in both my marriage and my relationship with you. You deserve much more than I can give you right now.”
A dull ache settled into her chest. “What are you saying?”
“I need some time to figure out what to do next with my life. And I need to do it alone. I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”
The words burned like acid, and she swallowed the sour taste of rejection. “You haven’t hurt me,” she said, the lie as familiar as her face in the mirror. “I knew going into this with you that it was temporary. I was only doing my job. I just got carried away.” She sucked in a breath through her nose, holding back a sob. “Good luck, Jaxon.”
“It was more than a job. Don’t lie to me and don’t lie to yourself. What we had was real. If circumstances were different, I’d never let you go.” He stared at her as if memorizing every line of her face, and for a brief moment, she thought he’d change his mind. “But I have to. I’m a sinking ship, and I’ll only take you down with me. I care for you too much to be responsible for drowning you with my problems.”
A sliver of anger pierced her heart. “Don’t I get a say?”
He shook his head. “You’re too young and naïve to understand that I’m doing this for you.”
“I may be young, but you know better than most people that I’m far from naïve,” she said, the venom spilling from her lips. “Don’t try to bullshit me because I’ve been here before. When things get complicated, it’s easier to run and hide rather than face your fears head-on. I should know. I’ve been doing it for years. You’re a coward, and you’re right. You don’t deserve me.”
He moved closer and reached for her, but she shrugged him off. She didn’t want him to console her. She wanted him to admit she was right and to fight for her, but she knew she was fighting a losing battle. Like almost everyone else in her life had done, he was abandoning her. It didn’t matter why he was ending their relationship because the end result was the same, and whether he was doing it for her or himself, it hurt just as much.
Closing his eyes, he dropped his hands to his sides. A thousand minutes seemed to pass as she waited for those final words. His beautiful eyes opened, and she saw the sorrow in them. “Good-bye, Kate.” Taking her heart with him, he turned and walked out the door.
She started to follow. To beg him to admit that he didn’t want to end things between them. But she stopped. He’d asked for time, and she owed him that. If it was meant to be, he would come back to her.
Out of habit, she unzipped her purse and wrapped her trembling hand around her pills. How many should she take?
One to curb the racing of her damaged heart? Two to numb the pain? Three to forget what she’d lost? Four to soar above the clouds?
The entire bottle to end it all?
She released the container. If she could survive attempts on her life while working undercover, then she could survive a broken heart. After all, she was exactly where she’d worked so hard to be. Interning for Nicholas Trenton and now practically guaranteed a place as an associate at the firm.
She held her head high as she left the police station. Her stomach clenched at the sight of the media vans pulling into the lot. She was surprised that the news had been kept under wraps as long as it had.
Maybe one day she’d be able to forgive them for the hell they’d put her through as a teenager, but she wasn’t quite there yet. Although, she had to admit, Rachel was growing on her.
Ignoring the reporters’ shouts, she slid into the heated seat of Nick’s car. “Get us out of here. I’m ready for home.”
He hit the gas and they barreled out of the lot before any of the press could follow. Of course, they all knew where she lived now.
Nick rested a hand on her thigh and squeezed her knee. “I don’t think you should be alone.”
She covered his hand with her own. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”
“Okay, then I don’t want to be alone.” He swallowed hard. “Come home with me.”