Park Avenue Prince(63)

But there were too many similarities for me not to remember my parents.

I’d forgotten the sense of family, of love. I’d buried the memories of times with my parents and stomped on the ground so they never surfaced. For nearly fifteen years they’d remained there, still and unmoving. But now the earth had cracked and the ground was shaking.

I was trying like hell to hold it together.

“Grace, is Sam better than your other boyfriends?” Amanda asked as we watched her prepare supper. “Harper said you date losers.”

“Harper!” Grace called over to the couch. Max rolled his eyes and I smiled because I knew he expected me to.

“What?” Harper asked as she placed a sleeping baby Lizzie into the crib at the end of the couch.

“You said I date losers?” Grace asked.

Harper came into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and took out a bottle of wine. “You can’t deny it’s true.” Harper looked up at me as she filled a fresh glass. “You’re the first decent guy she’s ever dated. Don’t fuck this up.”

“Harper,” Grace protested.

But Harper was right. I had to get this right and I wasn’t sure I knew how. I’d spent every day since my parents died deliberately trying not to want anything—Grace had been right. I didn’t want to lose anything important to me again. It had been hard, at first, difficult to stop coveting things. And even now, it was almost impossible not to be jealous of those with loved ones, but it had become easier. It hadn’t happened overnight, but slowly, a hardened shell had grown around me and become my armor. After that, every day was easier.#p#分页标题#e#

“What? It’s true,” Harper said.

I’d realized pretty early on that her previous boyfriends weren’t worthy of her. I was no angel, but it was no effort for me to put Grace first, where she deserved to be. But could I do that forever? Grace looked comfortable here, happy amid the family and the love. And she should have that for herself. I just wasn’t sure I could give it to her. I’d shut down my emotions a long time ago—ruled out the possibility of this kind of future for myself. For the first time in a long time I’d allowed myself to covet someone. I’d had no choice. Grace had broken through my armor and not given me a say in the matter. But a family? A home? I couldn’t risk that.

I took a swig of my beer, trying to swallow down the anxiety threatening to drown me.

“Your problem,” Harper told Grace, “is that you’re a fixer.”

Grace snapped her head around and caught me forcing down a chuckle. It was one of the many things I loved about Grace, and it was exactly how I’d described her in one of our first encounters. She scowled and placed her hand over my mouth. I grabbed her wrist, kissed her palm and twined her fingers in mine. “I didn’t say a word, Princess.”

“She’s always taken men on like projects. Guys that need fixing, or nurturing,” Harper said.

“Harper,” Grace complained. I knew she didn’t like hearing herself described like that.

“You give and give and give,” Harper continued, ignoring Grace, “until you’re bled dry. It’s like you’re permanently breastfeeding these losers! You’ve been dating children.”

Grace sighed.

“Well, I don’t need fixing,” I said, though I knew it wasn’t true. But I also knew that nobody, not even Grace, was capable of fixing me. No one had the power to go back in time and stop that drunk driver. But did Grace know that? Or was I just another one of her boyfriends who needed nurturing?

“We all need a little fixing,” Grace said in a small voice as I smoothed my hand over her back.

Perhaps I should have walked away from Grace, but now that I was here, I didn’t have the strength to let her go. “I think Harper’s trying to tell you that you’re kind and generous and loving,” I said.

“In the way only Harper can,” Max said.

“Of course that’s what I’m saying,” Harper said as she began to shred cheese. “Did I just turn into your commis chef without realizing it?” she asked Amanda, who just shrugged.

“She has us both wrapped around her little finger,” Max said.

My mother would have said the same about me.

“Just grate enough for the topping,” Amanda said.

“Yes, ma’am,” Harper replied, then turned back to Grace. “Look, what I’m trying to say is you are one of the kindest, sweetest, most generous and loyal people in the world . . . and I don’t think the men you’ve dated so far have come close to deserving you.”