I felt my whole body freeze. The world stopped moving around me.
I stared ahead and couldn’t think.
My mom kept talking, but I didn’t really hear what she was saying. I couldn’t pay attention, couldn’t make the words make sense. I could only think, over and over, about how my dad was dying. He was dying in the hospital.
I don’t know how long I sat there for.
But eventually I found myself looking up at Nash, his face blank. He was gently lowering my hands and taking the phone away. I stared at him, in total shock. “I have to go home,” I said to him.
“I know,” he said.
And when he hugged me, I couldn’t stop the tears. I cried against his chest and he didn’t say a word.
It took a few hours before I could get myself together enough to think coherently.
“Don’t worry about the flight,” Nash said. “I’ll take care of it.”
I was packing my stuff frantically, practically throwing it all into my suitcase. I was barely paying attention to him.
“You’ll be on the next flight. You’ll get back as soon as possible.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
I was moving in a daze as Nash watched me, silently appraising me. I had no clue what he was thinking, or what I was thinking, or what was going to happen. I could only think about my dad, my poor sick dad.
I had never really imagined I’d lose him. I knew he was sick, knew he was bad, but it still never seemed real. You never imagined something like that could happen to your invincible father. I still could see him laughing as he taught me how to throw a baseball, how to ride a bike, how to fish. He used to take me to a stream near our house and let me cast out, even though we never caught anything. He was always smiling, always laughing.
I couldn’t imagine never hearing his laugh again.
“Selena,” Nash said. “Hey.”
I looked up at him. “Hey.”
“You were staring off into space.”
“Sorry.”
He checked his watch. “We have to get you to the airport soon.”
“Right.” I threw some more things into a bag. He took my first suitcase downstairs and came back ten minutes later to grab my second one.
“Ready?” he asked. “Next flight is in two hours. We can get you there if we leave now.”
“Ready,” I said.
We walked out of the room and down the hall. Livy met us outside, standing near the town car.
“Selena,” she said, “I’m so sorry about your dad.”
“Thanks,” I said.
She took me by the shoulders, looking at me seriously. “If I can ever do anything for you, please, tell me and it will get done.”
I blinked, surprised. She’d never given me much attention or even acted like she cared that I existed, and now she was saying that? I didn’t understand her and probably never would, but it meant a lot.
“Thanks,” I said.
She nodded and then turned away. I climbed into the car and Nash climbed in after me.
The ride to the airport went by in a flash. One second we were leaving the hotel and the next we were pulling up outside of the terminal. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to tell Nash, but none of it was coming out.
It was like my mouth was glued shut, or maybe full of marbles. I couldn’t make words come out, even though there were so many words I wanted to speak.
I wanted to tell him how I felt. I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me. The words were there, on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t find them.
And then he was standing there with my bags, looking at me. I climbed out of the car.
“Ready?” he asked, frowning.
“Yeah,” I said.
He hugged me.
I had to say it.
“Come with me,” I blurted out.
He stood back, staring at me.
“What?”
“Come with me,” I said more softly. “Please. Come with me.”
“Selena,” he said.
I hugged him tight and wouldn’t let myself cry. I wasn’t going to cry.
“Selena,” he said again, “I have to be in Los Angeles. We’re leaving tomorrow. If I don’t show up—it’s part of my mission.” I could hear the pain in his voice.
“I get it,” I said.
But I was empty inside in that moment.
“I can’t come,” he said.
I pulled away from him. “Okay.”
“I’ll see you again soon,” he said. “Really soon. You can come to L.A. when you’re ready.”
“Okay.” I was already looking away from him, already feeling like I was the biggest idiot in the world.
“You’ll be okay,” he said.
“Sure.” He stared at me, but I took a step away. “See you later, Nash.”