Pacific Northwest Werebears(80)

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Conner answered, moaning into his hands.

“Well, try starting with why you ran. Were you embarrassed?” Wyatt prodded, trying to help him explain.

Shaking his head no, Conner felt the knot in his throat tighten at the thought of being honest with his brothers. Would he feel better or worse if he told them? Would they even understand?

“Come on man, you can tell us anything. We are both fresh off the bachelor boat too, we know what you are feeling,” Cage encouraged.

“No, no, I don’t think you do,” Conner said staring at his feet in the dirt.

“Try us, you might be surprised,” Wyatt said, sitting next to the entrance, joining their naked little conference.

Conner felt as if his world, that was up until now, a total challenge for him on a daily basis, just explode, or implode, he wasn’t sure. He struggled to keep a hold on his animal and deal with his issues. Now he had another person to consider, a person who the fates had, for some unknown reason, matched with him.

What if she was awful? Maybe the universe decided he deserved to be tortured by some horrible, shrewish wife for not appreciating what they gave him before? Did the fates do that kind of thing? Punish those that didn’t appreciate what they received? Like a really vindictive Santa Claus?

“Fuck me, fuck me,” Conner growled into his hands.

“Dude, seriously, talk to us. I’m sure your bear is thrilled, isn’t he?” Wyatt tried to keep him talking.

Of course his bear was thrilled, he thought. Bastard wanting nothing more than to run off, mate, make babies, and spend his life licking berry juice off his paws. His priorities were a bit skewed with his human counterpart’s.

“You guys wouldn’t understand, you can’t,” Conner started.

“Conner, talk, man,” Cage ordered in his Alpha voice. Sitting in a cave freezing his balls off warranted the use of the timber that would get Conner talking.

Not being able to resist the instinctual command of his brother, the Alpha, he started talking.

“I don’t want my bear.”

Silence hung in the cave, Conner looked up to his brothers, both with masks of confusion on their faces.

“I never wanted my bear. I don’t like him. No, it’s not that I don’t like him. It’s that I don’t understand him.”

More silence from his brothers.

“What else can I say?” Conner was exasperated.

“What do you mean, you don’t want your bear?” Wyatt shook his head, like a confused puppy. Cage didn’t respond, staring at him, no expression now on his face.

Sighing, Conner leaned his head back on the cave wall. “What did you feel like the first time you knew who your bear was?”

“I don’t know, I’ve always known, I guess,” Wyatt answered, not sure how to explain it.

“What about you?” Conner asked Cage.

“He’s always been with me, from my first memory,” he acknowledged.

“Well, I remember being around six, when I was out playing and saw a coyote in the woods. I heard this horrible roar inside my head. Scared the shit out of me. I’d forgotten what he sounded like. I had no words for the sensation of that. I realize now, it was my bear warning me about the danger. But I hadn’t heard him in years. He was silent until that day. Ever since the day I chose to ignore him.”

Seeing the shock on his brothers’ faces, he decided he’d better continue and get it all out before he lost his courage.

“I figured that wasn’t how things worked with you two, so I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to be different. I didn’t like that extra noise in my head, so I often tried to tune him out. Ignore him for lack of a better word,” he admitted.

“After that, the first time I was supposed to shift, was excruciating. We fought inside me for control. I didn’t know how to let him out. I knew how desperately he wanted to run, but I was too scared to let go. I was afraid if he shifted, if we shifted, I’d never be me alone, again.”

The shame at admitting the truth, out loud for the first time had the heat building up in Conner’s chest. He felt the tears welling in his eyes, not that what he said wasn’t really how he felt, but that now the truth was out there. No way to take them back, no way to escape his brothers’ judgment.

Dropping his head to his knees, Conner waited for the shouting, the anger. It never came.

Instead, he heard scraping, the sound of movement on the cave floor. Then he felt strong arms wrapping around his shoulders.

“Runt, you should have told us, we could have helped you. Talked about it,” Wyatt said close to his ear.