Owning It (Metropolis #3)(37)

I'm doing the same thing now.

"I mean, I guess I could come and hang out at your condo while you're at work all day. I need to get used to being in the city since I'll be there soon for school. Maybe I can find some eighteen or older clubs to go to … "

"Oh God. Don't tell me that. You're going to make my hair turn gray."

"Beard's already got some in it. I hope I don't go gray early too."

We laugh. Zane picks up his soda off the coffee table and takes a drink. There's something on his mind, I can tell, but I sit back and wait, knowing he'll tell me. He's a whole lot better about not holding shit in than I am.

"Are you still in love with Mom?" he finally asks.

My brows pull together, not sure where this came from. He's been okay with the separation. Not happy, of course, but I think he's known for a while that his mother and I are more best friends than anything. "I love her. I'll always love her but I'm not in love with her. Are you okay?" Maybe I've misread him. Maybe he's struggling with this more than I thought.

"No, no. I'm cool. I just want you guys to be happy, and I know neither of you are going anywhere. I just … " He shrugs. "I guess I worry about you sometimes. Mom does too."

That makes my frown deepen. "The last thing I want is for either of you to worry about me."

"Why? You worry about us. All the time. You worry about everyone but you never worry about yourself. You try to take care of everyone, but I don't know if you take care of yourself."



       
         
       
        

His words beat at my armor, nicking it up.

"I'm fine, kiddo," I tell him. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He sighs. "Mom is taking a pottery class. She's gone on a few dates. I'm pretty sure some dude stayed the night when I was at Kenny's the other day. She got all freaked out about it when I asked but she blushed like crazy. She and Tara had a sleepover the other day, which I admit is a little strange since they're old, but I swear, I've never seen her have so much fun. They were laughing and drinking and got scared when they watched a horror flick. I felt like I had a little sister or something." He laughs and shakes his head but I can see how happy he is for his mom. That he respects her.

"I don't have any stories like that about you. Yeah, I don't live with you, but I'm pretty sure you're not doing the same stuff she is."

Derek flashes through my head. Making omelets with him and dancing with him, maybe I'm not doing the same things and I could definitely be doing more, but there's something. Would Zane be saying all this if he knew?

"Dude … I just … you guys were young when you had me. I'm going to go to college and do a whole lot of shit you guys didn't get a chance to do."

"Not too much," I interrupt.

"Oh, a whole lot," he teases. "Seriously though, I know you guys love each other, and I know you guys have always been happy, but I also know a lot of what you did in your life has been because of me. I just think you should be enjoying yourself a little more. I'll be right back." Zane stands up and disappears down the hallway. He comes back a moment later and tosses something into my lap.

I look down at the box of condoms there. "You gave me a box of those when I turned fifteen-told me that you didn't want me having sex but if I did, you wanted me to be safe. You did your job. You raised me right. Go take classes or go meet women. I plan to meet a lot of women in college. Hopefully often."

"Oh God." I drop my head against the back of the couch. "Not too often. You're really trying to give me a heart attack today." But I've always been a realist. I've never believed in pretending kids aren't out there doing what we don't want them to do because I know I was. And I always want Zane to know he can come to me.

"I'll take care of my responsibilities. I learned that from both of you. I'll do well in college because neither of you had the chance to go to school carefree, but I'm going to have some fun, Dad, and you need to get your old ass out there and start doing it yourself. Speaking of which," he grabs the condoms back. "I will probably need these. I just used them for dramatic effect." 

A rumbling laugh starts in my chest and pushes past my lips. Jesus, he's a good kid.

"You guys did your job. I'm a happy, well-adjusted eighteen-year-old. Stop working so much and stressing about my schooling and money-Mom told me, by the way-and grab life by the balls. You're always telling me to do that. Now it's your turn."

He's the second person in one day to tell me something similar. The second person when I've been losing my fucking mind about Derek all day.