I knew it would be good, but not that good. I couldn't have imagined that.
I lean in to kiss him again, sliding my hand up his leg, to his crotch.
I feel him tense up before he pushes away.
"Come on, Daddy. That was incredible. You know how good it's going to feel. How much you want to try it out."
Despite how mind-blowing that was, his expression is riddled with apprehension.
Which just leaves me confused as fuck. Surely, he felt the same thing I did.
He sizes me up before saying, "That's not what I came here for. It isn't what I want to do tonight."
A knot twists in my stomach. Is he seriously rejecting me right now?
I could understand feeling disappointed, but it's more than that. I thought things were going well. That we were getting along fine. Surely, considering the chemistry we just shared, there's no reason not to act on this.
I move close to him again. "Come on, Jackson. Don't be a tease."
"I'm not teasing. We don't need to do this."
His words are clear, direct. And I don't have a doubt in my mind that he doesn't want to fuck tonight, which leaves me offended as fuck.
"Whatever, Jackson," I say, rolling my eyes before spinning around and heading through the crowd.
"Derek," I hear him say behind me.
Maybe it's because I'm a little tipsy. Or maybe I'm just this mad, but I'm done doing … whatever the hell we're doing.
I step out the front entrance to Pump, giving the bouncer a playful wave before stumbling down the street.
"Derek. Stop," I hear behind me, and I feel a big hand on my shoulder.
I whirl around to face Jackson.
"What do you want?" I ask. "You're hot and cold … and fucking lukewarm … and like humid as fuck … "
"What?"
"You're all over the place. Are you flirting? Are you not flirting? One minute it's like you just want to be friends and the next it's like you want to be up in this ass, so which is it? I don't play games. I don't need to. I could walk back into the bar and grab any top that will fuck me tonight, so I'm not sitting here pining away for you like some pathetic, needy bottom."
"And you think I play games? That's not what I'm doing here. I don't want to fuck you tonight because you're drunk. Because I don't want to take advantage of you. Because I respect you as a person."
"I don't need your respect. I fucking respect myself plenty."
Although, as much of a fuss as I'm making, there's something sweet about what he's saying, especially when I know there are plenty of guys who wouldn't give a shit about me and would take advantage whenever they had the chance.
"Why are you acting like this tonight? What's wrong?"
So much. So many things I can't share with him or my friends.
I keep replaying my conversation with Randy in my head over and over again … not even just the one I had tonight, but like so many we've shared the past few years … as his condition has gotten worse and worse.
"I'm not having a good night," I admit. "And I don't want to be alone, but if you can't help me with that, then I can hop on Scruff or Grindr and find another way to get what I need."
"Hey." He steps closer to me, cups my face. "You don't have to be alone tonight. We can still spend it together. I just don't think we should fuck."
I relax.
"Like you'll just come to my place and chill?"
He nods. "If you want."
That's exactly what I want-someone to be there.
It's one of the reasons I sometimes sleep over at Gary's when I get trashed. I could head to my place, but then it's just me and Charlie-boy, and as much fun as Charlie-boy is, it's better having someone there.
Jackson's lips curl into his cheek.
"Come on. Let me walk you home. I'll come back and get my Jeep tomorrow morning."
I submit.
I don't want to stay out, and I don't want to go searching for someone else to fuck around with. Not after my day.
He walks me back to Metropolis, and as we approach the door to my unit, I can see the apprehension in his eyes.
"Do you promise to be a good boy?" he asks.
I glance at his crotch and already know the reason.
"But it's better when I'm bad. Don't worry. I'll be gentle, Daddy. But if I'm gentle, you still need to be rough."
"I don't think that will be a problem." His eyes are on me like he's a second away from lunging at me and taking me right there against the door.
"So are you coming inside or what?" I ask.
"I said I would."
I grin. "I wasn't talking about my unit."