He nods. "You think you'd get used to it after a while, but at least with me, I never do. Sometimes, you get lucky and save someone's life. Sometimes, you lose people."
"Why do it then? If you know you're going to have to see that again and again, and then to keep going through that trauma?"
It's not that I don't think he should be doing his job. I'm genuinely curious because something obviously drew him to this career to begin with.
"Because of those times where I'm lucky and I can do something. The times when things do work out. At least, I know I can do something to help someone."
And here it is. I might have just discovered one of the things about Jackson that I can't wrap my thoughts around-something that separates him from a lot of the guys I've met over the years. So many of them fought their way through school and jobs to get to some high paying career … for the sake of money. It's rare to meet someone who actually wants to help people.
It's something I really admire. Something that makes Jackson so much more than this hot daddy who's sitting beside me.
"Anyway," he says, twisting the radio knob again. "I think I might need one of those happy-go-lucky pop songs you like right about now."
"Coming right up."
I keep DJing, shifting the conversation to gossip about a few of my clients. Funny stories that'll make Jackson laugh. I think, between talking to me about some of the shit he experiences in his line of work, the stories about my clients, and this ridiculously happy music, he's starting to shake some of the tension from last night, and I'm happy I could help.
When we arrive at Panola Mountain, we grab Jackson's bags out of his car and carry them along a trail. He leads me to a spot he says he's climbed several times before. At the top of a rock, he sets up what he calls a top rope anchor, throwing some rope down the side of the rock when he's done. Then we hike to the base.
He digs into his bag and retrieves a pink harness and helmet.
"How did you know my favorite color?" I ask with a wink as I take the helmet from him.
He laughs. "I used to climb with Steph. Who knew I would be able to make use of these with a cute power bottom?"
He helps me strap the helmet on and then guides me into the harness, pulling two loops up my thighs. "Oh my, you can grab a little higher if you want," I say.
He smiles and shakes his head. As soon as he finishes securing me in, he puts on his own. We spend time going over tying the knot into the belay that attaches to the harness before I realize, "Wait, wait. You're a fucking giant. Am I supposed to save you when you fall?"
"Don't worry. I'm going to create another anchor for you. And I'm not getting up there until you know exactly what you're doing. I'm not looking for a quick way to die today. Now, I have to teach you some commands."
"I'm very excited to learn any commands and safe words you might have for me."
A familiar look flashes across his face. For as little as I've talked to him, I know that look. There's hunger in his eyes. It's like at any moment, he's going to come at me, lift me off the ground, throw me up against the rock, and kiss me. Make me feel that scruff against my face and his hot breath rushing across my skin as he forces my pants down so he can take me.
"Well, we'll start with commands," he says, his voice low, "and we'll get to safe words later. How's that?"
"Safe words later? Already changing your tune. I told you I was going to break you, Daddy."
"And I told you I was going to be the one doing all the breaking."
Now, I'm the one who's smiling … and getting a bit of a chubby.
9
Jackson
The sun stings my eyes and the surface of the rock is hot to the touch, so I stand from where I'd been sitting and hold my hand over my eyes to shield them as I look at Derek. He's standing closer to the edge and looking out. His back is straight, his head high, before he shakes it, in what is obviously awe, and then says, "Holy shit, Jackson. This is incredible. I can't believe I climbed up here."
He turns to look at me. I'm afraid his cheeks might crack-he's smiling so big. It's definitely not the first smile I've seen from Derek but there's a unique glow to it like it comes from a different place inside of him. One I haven't seen before. It's filled with pride, but not the bravado he usually has. Like he's really proud of something he did, and it warms something deep inside of me.
There's something about him that has already dug its claws into me. On the surface, we couldn't be more different-my larger frame, his smaller one. The eleven-year age difference that looks like more because he has a youthful look to him and I'm a little gray already and the years have worn on me a bit more. Despite all that, we seem to click.