Her exhaustion made her a bad liar, but he didn’t call her on it. Instead, he damned himself further by bracing his arms on either side of her in case she lost her balance again. At least, that’s what he told himself. Deep down he knew he just wanted to stay close to her as long as possible. Fresh laundry scent and his woman filled his nose, imprinting on his brain to haunt him indefinitely in his dreams. He expected her to stiffen and ask him to leave, remind him she’d fulfilled her end of the bargain. Instead, she swayed toward him, her forehead coming to rest on his chest. Slowly, his arms rose unbidden to surround her.
“Oh God,” she whispered. “I didn’t realize this would be so hard.”
Jonah closed his eyes. He knew exactly what she meant, even if her words were unexpected and slightly confusing. Apparently even she couldn’t deny the attraction or their bond, but she still knew what had to be done. Knew it had to end now, before someone found out about them and her reputation was ruined. He’d pursued her, then let their association go on too long. Now she would suffer for it. In turn, he would suffer tenfold knowing he’d left her worse off than he’d found her. Aching for something she didn’t understand.
“It will get easier.”
Her breath hitched. “Will it?”
“Yes,” he answered with a certainty he didn’t feel. “I have to go now, Caroline.” Or I never will.
Jonah felt a shudder pass through her. “I know I don’t have the right to ask you this, but…will you stay until I fall asleep?”
His heart pounded harder and harder in his chest until he thought it might burst through his rib cage. He shouldn’t do it. It would only make ending this harder on them both, but the desire to hold her, to leave with the knowledge of what it felt like to hold this woman in her bed, couldn’t be denied. He also knew the feeling would torture him for life.
Eyes wide open, Jonah walked the plank. “Of course. I’ll stay for a while.” Once again, he lifted Caroline and cradled her against his chest. He correctly guessed which door led to her bedroom and went inside, laying her down gently on the white bedspread before losing the battle to avoid looking around. Jonah nearly laughed at the contrast between Caroline’s and his own bedroom. He had no place in the fresh innocence surrounding him. Where he had hard, flat surfaces and colorless furniture, Caroline’s room was a rainbow of colors. Framed classic movie posters and Columbia pennants. Gauzy light blue curtains blew forward in front of an open window. Not a spreader bar in sight.
She watched him from her reclined position on the bed. “Not what you expected?”
Jonah shrugged. “I never expected to see the inside of your bedroom.”
His honesty seemed to upset her greatly, a reaction he couldn’t interpret, but when she began to remove her shoes, all rational thought faded to the background. He’d only planned to hold her, but he now realized how silly that assumption had been. She tossed her high heels onto the floor and stretched her bare legs out on the bed, skirt riding up her toned thighs. Her breasts strained against the buttons of her shirt as she removed her blazer. Her movements were guileless, and that somehow made them more seductive. Jonah swallowed a groan as his cock stiffened. Having her one final time would be a gift and a curse for them both. Leaving now would be the right thing to do, but at that moment, walking away felt like a feat of which he wasn’t capable. Her delicate state called to the protector inside him, the part of him that craved a chance to take care of her.
Obviously sensing his conflict, Caroline came to the edge of the bed. “What is it?”
I’m a depraved individual, exactly as you believe me to be. You look at me with such trust and all I want to do is fuck you until I know you’ll never forget me. Sick. “I shouldn’t get in that bed with you, sweetheart.”
He watched her lips part, her pupils dilate at the clear arousal apparent in his voice. “But you want to?”
“What kind of a question is that?” Determinedly, he softened his abrupt tone. “You need rest. If I lay down with you, we both know it’ll never happen.”
Green eyes trained on him, she slowly began unbuttoning her shirt. “I can rest afterward.” When she drew off her shirt to bare black lace–encased breasts, then reached for his belt buckle, Jonah could only watch in reckless anticipation. The sight of her topless, hair tumbling around her shoulders, kneeling submissively on the bed before him was heady. A fantasy come to life.
Yet his conscience was railing at him to stop her. Taking Caroline would be ten kinds of wrong when he only meant to walk away afterward. It would only set her back in getting on with her life. The life she’d been living before he entered it, a dark blip on the radar screen. He might not be able to maintain his resolve if he tasted her now. On top of everything, it hurt knowing her interest in him ended at physical attraction. Being inside her would result in the most extreme pleasure/pain possible. Physical pleasure, mental torture.