“Fuck you, Alek.”
“Nah, I’m good, brother. That’s too kinky, even for me.”
“Now there’s a shock.”
“You see?” he needles. “This is the longest conversation we may have ever had. I think we’re at two minutes, Roman. She really does something to you. You have to admit it.”
I open my mouth, but then I realize I’m just playing right into his hands. Is this the longest conversation? What the fuck does that even mean? And what does it have to do with Marie?
“Aw come on, Roman, don’t clam up now!”
“I gotta go.”
“Naw!” he moans. “Let’s talk! Let’s delve into our feelings!”
“You know what, Alek, why don’t you do something useful, instead?” I sigh as I’m coming up on the garment district. Now I’m just driving in circles, going nowhere.
“Anything, brother.”
“Why don’t you get us a couple of suits. Nice ones.”
He pauses for a second. Finally some peace and quiet. “Suits?”
“Yeah,” I snarl. “Looks like we’re getting married this weekend.”
CHAPTER 10
MARIE
Gianna’s eyes go all wet and puppy-like when she looks at me. She claps her hands underneath her chin.
“Oh, Marie, just look at you!"
“Stop it, Gianna. There's nothing to cheer about.”
I stare into the three-way mirror and the avalanche of white silk. She peeks over my shoulder and gnaws at her bottom lip.
“You look beautiful!” she breathes in my ear.
“You want this dress?” I sneer. “You can have it, Gianna. It would look better on you anyway.”
“No, oh my God, no. It's perfect for you, Marie. So perfect.”
Despite everything, I can almost see what she's saying. This is just the kind of dress I always dreamed about. Form fitting through the bodice and over the hips and then flaring in an explosion of peony petals at the knee. A perfect mermaid style. Lacy sleeves down to the elbows. One trillion tiny crystals and pearls.
I tug the veil over my face again, trying to hide my frown. Every time she sees my expression, Gianna gives me a poke.
“Oh, I wish you would just look at yourself,” she sighs. “It's like you're not even trying!”
I back away from the mirror and turn in a slow circle so the dress doesn't trip me under these stupid satin heels. Carefully I lower my bottom onto the upholstered bench at the end of my bed.
“Exactly what am I supposed to be happy about, Gianna? There's nothing good about this day. Nothing at all!”
She kneels in front of me and takes my hands in her hands. I know she wants me to be happy, and I want to be happy just so that she can be happy for me. But I can't make it work. Everything I thought this day would be is warped, twisted. It's like a dream that's been perverted into a nightmare.
“What are you going to do? You’re not going to spend your whole life miserable, Marie. I know you, and you're not like that. You'll find a way to be happy, won't you?”
I nod uncertainly. I know that's what she wants me to do.
“Gianna, just don't push me, okay? I'm doing the best I can. You don't know… You didn't see them...”
“Them?” she repeats, her eyebrows up.
My mouth opens but the words won’t come out. I can’t tell her. I’m not sure why but… something holds me back. On the one hand, telling Gianna that Roman and Alek both claim me for their own would definitely set some things in motion. Gianna would blab, Daddy would explode, everybody would throw a fit.
On the other hand, Daddy would be humiliated, I would be labelled a putana or worse, and who would protect me then? After all, I guess if Roman’s right, if those guys at the airport really weren’t Daddy’s men (and he swore they weren’t but you know how Daddy’s are), then I might need Roman after all. What he did… What I saw… It makes me shudder to remember it.
“I mean him,” I correct myself, resolving for the thousandth time to leave Alek out of the story completely. “You didn’t see him... Roman, the look in his eyes…”
She presses her lips together and shakes her head. She doesn't want me to tell her the story again like I told it a thousand times over the past couple of days. At first she was horrified. A few times she told me she was even impressed by what Roman did for me, but then I made sure she understood just how brutal he was. Just how callous.
He's a monster, and no amount of white silk or white roses or pink orchids is going to change that.
But look at her there. I can't ruin this day for her either. Since we were little we always talked about our wedding days and since I'm going first, I need to set a good example. I can't just destroy the idea for her. What if she gets married off? Her dad is a capo after all. She may not realize it, but she's just as likely to be a chess piece in this stupid game as I am.