“A step too far?” Steel makes a sharp intake of breath and looks at the floor. I remain silent, trying to let him know how important this is too me. “It won’t matter anyhow, no carny’s going to touch you after today anyway.”
“Fine.”
“Okay.”
“Let’s get the rest of the stuff,” I say. I need everything, a hairbrush, toothbrush, you name it. We need to hurry.
We walk past the underwear, and I grab several bras and a couple packs of panties and throw them in the cart. Speed walking through the store, I get all the toiletries while Steel stocks up on food.
The big pharmacy sign catches my eye, and I make a mental note to figure how I get the prescription for my birth control pills renewed. I’ve only been on it a couple of weeks so have enough for a few months, and don’t need to stress about it yet, I have enough in my purse to last until the end of the month. There are too many things to think about as it is.
Back at the camp, I stand to the side while Steel and Razor get the trailer hooked up to my car. They’re working together without any drama, and seem to know exactly what the other is doing. How were they just fighting?
“Goldie, in the car. We’re ready to take you to your first carnival,” Steel says to me, one foot in the driver’s side.
* * *
I’m sitting on the edge of the bed in the trailer at the carnival site. Steel is setting up but I haven’t been told where to go, or what I’m doing yet. I think they’re still trying to figure out what to do with me.
I keep staring at my purse. My phone is in it. I haven’t looked at it since last night, but now the draw is too strong. I have to let my parents know I’m safe, at least. I don’t want them worrying about me. Not for rational reasons anyway.
When I turn the phone on, it goes through a crazy amount of vibrating and beeping as all the text and voicemail notifications come through.
After it’s finished, I brave looking at the screen. My mother responded to the text I sent her last night. Several times.
-Don’t do this
-Come home, please don’t risk trusting him
-Your father is panicking. Please come home
I stop reading after that. What’s the point? The only reason I would read on would be if she apologised, and she wasn’t even close. You’d think she at least would have offered to give him another chance.
I type one last text to her.
I’m not coming home, we’re fine. You need to learn to accept us as a couple. I’m done with this phone now, I might phone in a couple of months when you’ve calmed down. Stop worrying about me, you’re being ridiculous.
Hovering my finger over the send button, and my heart stops when I finally push it.
I put my finger on the power button, before realizing I need to send Courtney something.
Thanks for your call last night. Steel and I are have gone traveling for the summer, your bff
The trailer door opens and I switch off the phone. Steel appears in the doorway.
“Good news, I’ve talked Papa Smurf and Cess into having you sit in on her basket toss booth.”
“What does that mean?”
“You’re working a game, paid hard cash every week, just like me.”
“What do I do?” They just throw me right in like that?
“Cess will show you everything. It’s just selling. You said you wanted to sell, and now you are.”
“Who’s Cess?”
“The carnival princess. She’s a friend, and she’ll take care of you while I’m working.”
My hands start trembling, and I sit on them to hide it from Steel. I’ve only ever worked in my dad’s office before, never in a store or anywhere that I had to deal with the public before. The idea is daunting.
Steel sits down beside me and pulls my hands out from under me. He takes them in his hands, and the strength of his fingers helps me find my own strength.
“You’ve got nothing to be nervous about, if you can make me walk away from my life of ten years, then you can convince some teenager to try to toss a softball in a peach basket.”
I smile and lean my head against him. He always knows how to make me feel better. There’s no question, I’m happier with him. I don’t care about my parents, or his fight, I care that he can sit here beside me and make everything better. Make me better.
“Let’s go toss some balls,” I say, standing up.
Peace Sells (Steel)
It’s a Saturday in mid-May, and we’re still in Mississippi. It’s raining this afternoon, and the smell of damp earth mixes with the stink of the rides. Doesn’t matter, the carnival is busy anyway. That’s the thing with these little towns. The weekend the carnival comes to town is the only thing that happens all year.