“The Ink Spot,” a gruff man’s voice says.
“Hi, do you have any appointments free today?”
“What were you thinking of getting? Is it something big or small? Do you know the design?”
“I just want a small rose, but I don’t have a design for it.”
“That’s okay, we’ve got plenty of roses to choose from. Can you make it for two?”
“I think so.” It’ll be tight, and I’ll have to put my foot down a little on the highway to make it.
“Okay, I’ll put you down.”
I give him my name and number and hang up. After ramming my phone into my purse, I turn on my car and head to Raleigh. My chest is bursting with anticipation.
Steel’s right. If I want a tattoo, I should get one. No one ever has to know but me, and hopefully him. Even if someone does find out, it’s my body and none of their business anyway.
By the time my hands connect with the tattoo parlor doors, my tummy is fluttering with equal parts nerves and excitement.
“Hi, I’m here for my two o’clock appointment.”
A man who looks twice my age stands and says, “The rose?”
“Yep, that’s me.”
The man pulls out a big binder and opens it to some laminated pages of rose designs.
“These are the roses,” he says.
“I want to be able to wear a bikini without it being seen.”
“No problem, I can put it anywhere you want.”
“And the size?”
“Whatever you want, I can do.”
I’ve always pictured having a red rose bud, and it doesn’t take me long to zero in on the one I like best.
“That one,” I say.
It’s perfect and I’m crazy excited. I’m finally going to have something I’ve wanted for a long time, and it’s all because of Steel. I need to find him again, whatever the cost.
The Memory Remains (Steel)
I am so sick of looking at, smelling and being covered in bright yellow paint. Papa Smurf has me painting the whole damn Zipper by myself. Asshole.
Any other year I would’ve loved it, because it means not finding a job for the winter months. This year it just feels like he’s abusing me because he knows he has information I want. Information I’d do anything to get.
I can’t help this feeling in my gut, that I should be hitching around North Carolina, going from town to town to find Emily myself. It would be faster than playing his fucking game. Assuming I didn’t freeze to death sleeping on park benches in the middle of winter.
My Googling must be getting close to finding her town. It would be a lot easier if they didn’t all look the fucking same, but I have to be getting close. I have to.
Razor said I’d forget all about her by Christmas, but she’s stuck in my head even more.
I have to find her. And I will.
Papa Smurf walks across the lot, and I fling down the paintbrush to chase after him.
“Tell me the name of the town,” I say, balling my fists.
“The painting’s not done.”
“I don’t fucking care. The painting’s never going to be done, because I’ve had enough. I’m going to find her, with or without your help.” I puff my chest at him, my nostrils flare.
“Steel, calm down,” he says putting a hand on my shoulder. “It’s not what you think. I seen carnies like you fall hard for townies before, and it never ends good for them. You’ve been with me since you was a teen, and I don’t want to see you get hurt like that.” His voice is smooth, and he is saying the most genuine thing any male father figure has ever said to me in my life.
“It’s not like that, she’s different.”
“I heard that before, too.”
“I’m going to find her, with or without you.”
“Think about it long and hard first is all I’m saying. One night is one thing, but you’ll find out the hard way that you’re from a different world than her, and that the outside world don’t approve of us. Her folk ain’t ever going to think otherwise. The prejudices against us run deep, don’t never forget it.”
I shake my head at him and walk away, trying to digest his words. Everyone always paints carnies as no good, but Emily’s different. I’m sure of it.
Love Walked In (Emily)
“My regular latte, please, Barbara.” Each of my Saturday lattes marks another week since I spent the night with Steel. It’s already February, and in my heart I thought I’d find him before Valentine’s Day. But that’s this week, and now in my heart is heavy with the fact that it’s not going to happen.
I still look at my tattoo in the mirror every day, picturing what it will be like to show Steel. And what his reaction will be.