I want to ask why he won’t take his clothes off. I want to ask why he doesn’t want to have sex with me, or at least let me play with his dick. But I don’t. Maybe I’m too chicken. Maybe it’s only four in the morning, and I don’t have to go home just yet.
We lie in silence for ages, listening to each other breathe.
“I had to get away from my foster family,” he says, breaking the silence.
He told me. He fricking told me.
“Were they a real nightmare?”
“Not too bad, I was just a stranger in their house, and that’s how I got treated.”
“How old were you?”
“Like I said before, seventeen.”
“And the carnival called?”
“It was one option, and it turned out good.”
I hesitate for a moment, and say, “No regrets.”
“Exactly. How else would I get to meet you?”
“Are you from North Carolina?”
“I’m from wherever my bunkhouse is.”
“Georgia?”
“My bunkhouse seems to be in North Carolina right now.”
I’m not going to ask again. He won’t answer anyway. We fall back into silence. I’m exhausted and fighting to stay awake. As much as I want to sleep, I know Steel’s leaving soon, and I’ll never see him again.
His hand leaves my breast and runs over my skin until it comes to a rest between my legs.
Steel swallows, and says, “Does it hurt?”
“What hurt?”
“This,” he says, gently moving his hand against my mound.
My God, it’s feeling pretty damn good.
“No,” I say.
He kisses my shoulder and says, “Good. Because I popped your cherry.”
My heavy eyes open wide as I remember the little bit of pain when he first touched me. The question and the memory make me blush.
“Oh. Yeah, I think I felt something.”
“I didn’t mean to.”
“It’s fine, it doesn’t matter.” At least it makes the idea of having sex for the first time more appealing.
More silence follows. I could lie here forever like this. Although I really do need to sleep. Time fades away as we talk and rest, then talk some more. Who knew the carny with the neck tattoo was such an amazing person. I should’ve known by his smile.
Sunlight starts to come through the window, brightening the room. Shit, it’s seven thirty. I sit upright and reach for my bra.
“You don’t have to go, we don’t open until ten today.”
“My car is at the gate! Someone will see it.”
“What happened to the girl who wanted the town to know she’s all grown up?”
“There’s a difference between an after-closing party and spending the whole night. Word will travel fast. I need to get home.”
The panties are a write-off, Steel ruined them when he ripped them off me. Commando it is. I pull my dress on and Steel helps me do it up.
“I’ll walk you to your car,” he says, opening the bunkhouse door.
I look at him and sigh. I really wish he’d taken his clothes off.
“When do you go?” I ask, wanting another night like this. Except my parents get home at supper time today and I don’t think that’s an option.
We rush through the quiet trailers and vacant rides.
“We close early today, at five, then leave tomorrow night or Tuesday morning.”
“Good, maybe I’ll come to the carnival later, to enjoy myself.”
Steel flashes that broad, Hollywood smile at me and it takes all my willpower not to turn around and go right back to his bed.
We reach my car, the boring mom-car Corolla. I open the door and turn to face Steel. He immediately pulls me into him and squeezes me tight. My heart pounds against my ribs, telling me I shouldn’t be leaving this man. I don’t want to, but I have to.
“I’ll come back tonight,” I say.
“You get rested up today. I’m taking you back to my bed tonight, and I don’t think we’re going to get much sleep again.”
A smile springs across my face, and I say, “I can’t wait.”
He gives me a nice goodbye kiss, one that reminds me what I’m coming back for and will make sure I’m back here the second they close.
I get into my car and look up at him. Steel rests a hand on the top of my open door and leans down to me.
“I can’t wait to see you again. I mean it, Goldie, you’re not like any other person I ever knew. You’re amazing.”
Sucking air into my lungs, I swallow and say, “You’re pretty amazing yourself.”
There’s that smile again, the one that I could follow like a lost puppy.
“Later,” Steel says and shuts the door.
I start the car and drive the few minutes to my house. It’s a good thing it’s so close, and my head is nodding with fatigue. I’ve been awake for over twenty-four hours. I’m grateful the streets are still pretty quiet, even though it’s after seven.