“No, Goldie. You don’t understand.” He turns and walks to the window, staring out at the vast lawn.
His actions, with both my father and now, have my insides filled with butterflies. I wait for him to tell me what’s going on. But he doesn’t say anything.
“Are you going to tell me why, so I do understand?”
He spins back, his eyes sunken but his stance strong.
“I’m going to tell you, because you’re my wife, and deserve to know. But I don’t know what to do about telling your parents.”
“I don’t understand. Oh my God, are you an ex-con?”
“It’s not that.”
“But are you one?”
“Listen to me, I can’t get a social security card because I don’t have a Green Card.”
“Green Card? Those are for foreigners.”
This makes no sense.
Symphony of Destruction (Steel)
“You know I said I’m from Niagara Falls?”
“Yeah,” Emily says, her brow still creased.
Why the fuck didn’t I tell her this from the day I met her? And now, how am I supposed to explain lying to her all this time?
“Steel, what’s going on?”
“I’m from the Canadian side.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” Emily barks. She almost never swears. Not the f-bomb anyway.
“I’m Canadian. I’m not American.”
“All those times I asked you what state you were from, and you didn’t tell me you weren’t even from the country? Why?”
“Dunno.” Emily’s face turns from confusion to anger, so I continue. “I mean, I do know. I told someone before. We hooked up for a bit, and when things didn’t go the way she wanted them to, she tried to get me deported. She told the law everything she knew about me, and she didn’t make me sound too good, you know? I spent the rest of the summer, hiding and shitting myself with the Mexican carnies whenever immigration enforcement officers came nosing around. It’s a horrible way to live.”
“I can imagine, I’ve seen those raids, remember? But why not tell me? Especially when you proposed.”
“I don’t have an answer for that. All I’ve ever wanted to do is leave my past behind, all that matters to me is my future with you.”
Emily’s mouth is a tight line, and she crosses her arms in front of her. I draw her into me, her arms between our bodies. The comfortable feeling of having Emily in my arms calms me.
“I love you,” I say into her ear.
After a minute, Emily’s breathing slows and she unfolds her arms, sliding them up my back.
“I can’t be mad at you for being Canadian, that’s just weird. But I’m still pissed about the lie.”
“I know, you have every right to be.”
“But I’m not pissed enough to end this, to kick out the father of my child.”
“And your husband,” I add.
“If we weren’t here, in my parents’ house, I’d be screaming and yelling at you right now.”
“Guess this was a good time to tell you, then.”
“Dick,” she snaps.
“Sorry,” I say, giving her a squeeze.
“Not sorry enough.” Emily tries to pull away from me, but I don’t let go.
“What are we going to do about this job your dad wants me to do. In the morning.”
“I don’t know. I don’t even know what we’re supposed to do about any job.”
“There are lots of cash jobs for muscle.”
Emily pushes back from me, the anger back in her eyes, and says, “Yeah, but that’s not exactly the kind of financially secure job you want with a baby, is it? Was that really your plan, to do illegal jobs forever?”
“No, that wasn’t my plan. All we have to do is get married, and then I can get a Green Card. It’s easy.” I hope. I didn’t really have a plan.
“So that’s what we’ll tell my parents.”
“How will they react?” I ask.
“My dad will understand.”
“No offense, he isn’t really the understanding type. I don’t want him to have me deported,” I say, ruffling my hair.
“If he does, I’m going with you.”
Emily’s words relax me, and I realize everything is going to be okay. She’s what matters, our baby is what matters, everything else is just details.
“Might as well get this over with, then,” I say and take her hands.
We walk back to the kitchen. Her parents are talking in hushed tones, but stop as soon as they notice us.
“So, what is it, Kayden? Are you going to man up and come to work in the morning?” Greg says.
Emily laces her hand through mine and says, “Daddy, Steel is Canadian, he doesn’t have a social security number.”