Overlooked(2)(103)

“What do you mean?” she asks.

“I mean, you’re not playing a game here or nothing. Playing at being poor for the summer, then go back to your nice, rich life afterwards.”

“This isn’t a game to me. This is real. Lying here with you, that’s definitely not slumming it by any definition of the world.”

“Most people would consider living in a tiny trailer and traveling with the carnival to be the definition of slumming it.”

“That’s because people are stupid. You just have to look at the ones forking out for games they can’t win on the midway to know that.”

“You know I’ll never be able to buy all that fancy stuff your parents have and you’re used to.” It kills me to think I could never give her everything she wants.

“If I’ve learned anything this summer, it’s that material stuff doesn’t matter. It was all just a way to mask an empty life. It wasn’t real the way you are.”

I ignore her comment. I have to say what I need to say before I chicken out again.

Clearing my throat, I say, “Since I met you, these thoughts and feelings keep percolating around in me, and I didn’t know what they were at first. That happens when you’ve had my life. But now I think I know what it is.” I’m halting and rambling, but the warmth of her eyes gives me the courage to carry on. “Goldie, I ain’t never said this to anyone before, but I think I love you. I’m sure of it, I love you.”

A tear trickles from her eye and across the bridge of her nose. She doesn’t say anything. Please don’t reject me. Maybe I should’ve kept my big mouth shut. My heart stops, waiting.

After an eternity, she says, “Since I met you, I realize how unhappy I was before. My life was suffocating.” Her voice breaks, and tears stream steadily from her eyes and onto the sheet. “You’ve given me so much, and you’ve made me feel loved — loved for who I am and not what I’m supposed to me. I could never express how grateful and lucky I am for your love. And I love you too, Steel. I love you for who you are, Kayden.”

She said my real name. It felt good. Emily’s words hit me and squeeze around my ribs, forcing my heart to beat again. I’d even say it’s beating different now than it did before. Thumping like each beat is full instead of it rattling around empty.

The idea had crossed my mind before, but now I want it. I need it.

“You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met,” I start, my words unsure, “I can’t imagine going another day of my whole life without seeing you.”

She swallows and starts, “Me…”

I interrupt her and carry on, “We have this thing at the carnival, a tradition. And you know us carnies, it’s what matters. Our tradition. It means more than those government rules. I’m a carny, and tradition matters a lot to me.”

“What are you saying?”

I take a deep breath to try to stop my rambling. “What I’m saying is, I want to marry you. Here in the carnival. In our tradition.”

“Are you serious?” she says, sitting up, turning her head to keep our eye contact.

“Yes. Of course.”

“What does your tradition mean?”

“It means you’d be my wife. Mine forever. Real as any wedding there is. So how about it? Emily, will you marry me?” I’ve never called her by her real name before, I hadn’t intended to, it just came out.

“Yes,” she pauses, “on one condition.”

My heart sinks into my gut.

“What’s that?”

“I can’t marry someone when I don’t know where he’s from.”

“Is that the only condition? That’s easy. I’m from Niagara Falls. You happy now? Because I don’t want you thinking I’m keeping secrets from you. You know me better than anyone in the world, who I really am, stuff that matters, not trivial things like where I’m from originally.” I wish she’d stop bringing up my past.

“Thank you,” she says, and flings her arms around me.

We hold each other tight, and I know she’s all I need. And I’m sure I’m all she needs.

“We have to get Papa Smurf’s blessing,” I say.

“Why?” she mutters, her face pressed against me.

“It’s the tradition. He gives his blessing, and performs the ceremony on the Ferris wheel. Three times around, and you’re mine forever.”

“That sounds fun,” she says.

“Promise me this isn’t a game to you. This is as real to me as any church wedding.”

“I promise. This is no game. I want to be in your arms, just like I am now, when I’m a little old lady.”