Because the more time I spend with him, naked or not, the more time I want to spend with him.
Why did I get myself into this situation. The more I sit here, rolling it around in my mind, the more upset I become. Tears prick my eyes, and I pretend to laugh so I can wipe them away without Piper noticing.
I’m not cut out for a fuck-buddy arrangement. I can’t keep my feelings separate. It’s never going to be enough for me, and it’s better I end it now, before my feelings get even stronger.
It will hurt far less.
Shutting my door on the most amazing sex ever is going to be difficult and require every ounce of my willpower, but I have no choice. I can’t let my heart get involved any more than it already is, because I know I would be crushed. Knox made it clear, no relationship. And here I am, not even a week later, wanting more from him than just his body.
I have no choice.
Piper put the next Community episode on, the conclusion to the paintball episode. I glance at my watch, it’s almost seven thirty, Knox should be home any minute. I’m not sure I can face him now.
“Wow, I just had this crazy brainstorm of ideas for my book,” I say without looking at Piper. Does she still think I’m writing a book? “I need to get going so I can write them all down before I forget. Your dad will be home in a minute, are you all right if I go now?” I force as much enthusiasm into my voice as possible.
“Of course. I’m almost in high school. Remember?” Piper says.
I don’t know if it’s wrong to leave her, but it’s only for a few minutes. Knox will be home soon. And if I’m here when he gets home, I know there’s no way in hell I’ll be able to hide my feelings. Piper would get a full display, and I can’t do that. It’s too important to him.
“Great, thanks,” I say, and stand to leave.
“Avery?”
“Yeah?”
“How important is it to follow your dreams?”
I turn back to face her, and say, “It’s the most important thing a thirteen-year-old girl can do.”
“Really? So I should do whatever I can to make my dreams come true?”
“Absolutely.”
“Thanks. Good night.”
“See you later,” I say, and leave.
As soon as I shut my door, the rumble of Knox’s car comes down the street. My heart pounding, I go upstairs without turning the lights on.
It’s only seven thirty, so I hide away in my fake bedroom. At my desk, I scroll through all my new comments. There are a few new ones, fans telling me how much they appreciate my advice. One is from someone saying how much they like the unbreakable feather. One is under the annoying your partner video I made about Nathan’s stupid noises.
Hung like a Unicorn: u were more annoying than that, stupid bitch
I stare at the comment. It’s stupid and childish and I don’t feel threatened by it. But it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to realize Hung like a Donkey has taken the new name Hung like a Unicorn. If he makes any more, I’ll report him again.
I can’t bring myself to do any real work, instead I mess around on social media. Darla is also online and when she notices I’m online, she FaceTimes me.
“Hey, babe. Knox come around today?”
For a second I warm at the memory of this morning, but I quickly recover. I have to steel myself against him. Knowing Darla, she’d tell me to toughen up and embrace the fuck-buddy lifestyle.
“Let’s not talk about him right now,” I say.
“Fine, because guess what? I’ve got gossip for you. Nathan’s fiancée left him.”
“Really? That was quick. Smart cookie.”
“But get this, word on the street is she left because he’s shit in bed. A friend of a friend told me she said, and I quote, ‘How did you live with an internet sex advisor for so many years and not learn a goddamn thing about a woman’s body?’ End quote. Can you believe it?” Darla says, and dissolves into a fit of laughter.
I laugh as well, a great belly laugh that relieves all of the tension I’ve built up over Knox. I’m in tears, and we both laugh and laugh.
Grabbing a Kleenex, I wipe my eyes and blow my nose. “Shut up,” I manage to say.
“And the now ex-fiancée is telling everyone she knows.”
“I can’t say I disagree with her. If she needs someone to back her up, send her to my Facebook page.”
“How were you with him so long?”
“I know, I know. Okay? I’m an idiot.”
“Oh well, it’s in the past. Now you’ve got that sex machine to keep you happy.”
“Yep,” I say, trying to keep the laughter going. I’m not ready to talk to her about Knox.