"Fine."
"Anyway," I hesitate, "That was pretty extreme back there, attacking that guy like that."
"He was fucking asking for it."
"Yeah, but still, you jumped on him."
"That's my buddy Razor, he was trying to get a reaction out of me."
"Your friend?" I say, raising an eyebrow.
"I hope it didn't upset you or nothing."
"It's just a little freaky, is all. I'm not used to seeing such physical violence." I struggle to keep the volume of my voice down.
"I had a strong message to send. I sent it."
"Should I expect to see a lot of fighting?"
"By me? Only if someone touches you."
"And others?" I ask, cocking my head.
"Not much. Sometimes if someone does something stupid. Usually because a townie starts something."
I trace his face for truthfulness. I'm not sure if I can handle a lot of violence around me. His face is full of concern, and he strokes down my arm. He says it's the case, and I trust him.
It's not like I'm about to run home now, when I haven't even been gone twenty-four hours. My life would be worse than it was before. The town would never stop talking about me, and my parents would criticize me all day long, forever and ever.
"And you promise me you're not going to be violent and start attacking people, your friends or otherwise?"
"I can't make that promise. If someone disrespects you, you're damn straight I'm going to beat his face in."
"But I'm telling you, I don't want you to. I don't want you fighting. I can't handle that. It's a step too far for me"
"A step too far?" Steel makes a sharp intake of breath and looks at the floor. I remain silent, trying to let him know how important this is too me. "It won't matter anyhow, no carny's going to touch you after today anyway."
"Fine."
"Okay."
"Let's get the rest of the stuff," I say. I need everything, a hairbrush, toothbrush, you name it. We need to hurry.
We walk past the underwear, and I grab several bras and a couple packs of panties and throw them in the cart. Speed walking through the store, I get all the toiletries while Steel stocks up on food.
The big pharmacy sign catches my eye, and I make a mental note to figure how I get the prescription for my birth control pills renewed. I've only been on it a couple of weeks so have enough for a few months, and don't need to stress about it yet, I have enough in my purse to last until the end of the month. There are too many things to think about as it is.
Back at the camp, I stand to the side while Steel and Razor get the trailer hooked up to my car. They're working together without any drama, and seem to know exactly what the other is doing. How were they just fighting?
"Goldie, in the car. We're ready to take you to your first carnival," Steel says to me, one foot in the driver's side.
* * *
I'm sitting on the edge of the bed in the trailer at the carnival site. Steel is setting up but I haven't been told where to go, or what I'm doing yet. I think they're still trying to figure out what to do with me.
I keep staring at my purse. My phone is in it. I haven't looked at it since last night, but now the draw is too strong. I have to let my parents know I'm safe, at least. I don't want them worrying about me. Not for rational reasons anyway.
When I turn the phone on, it goes through a crazy amount of vibrating and beeping as all the text and voicemail notifications come through.
After it's finished, I brave looking at the screen. My mother responded to the text I sent her last night. Several times.
-Don't do this
-Come home, please don't risk trusting him
-Your father is panicking. Please come home
I stop reading after that. What's the point? The only reason I would read on would be if she apologised, and she wasn't even close. You'd think she at least would have offered to give him another chance.
I type one last text to her.
I'm not coming home, we're fine. You need to learn to accept us as a couple. I'm done with this phone now, I might phone in a couple of months when you've calmed down. Stop worrying about me, you're being ridiculous.
Hovering my finger over the send button, and my heart stops when I finally push it.
I put my finger on the power button, before realizing I need to send Courtney something.
Thanks for your call last night. Steel and I are have gone traveling for the summer, your bff
The trailer door opens and I switch off the phone. Steel appears in the doorway.
"Good news, I've talked Papa Smurf and Cess into having you sit in on her basket toss booth."
"What does that mean?"
"You're working a game, paid hard cash every week, just like me."
"What do I do?" They just throw me right in like that?
"Cess will show you everything. It's just selling. You said you wanted to sell, and now you are."
"Who's Cess?"
"The carnival princess. She's a friend, and she'll take care of you while I'm working."
My hands start trembling, and I sit on them to hide it from Steel. I've only ever worked in my dad's office before, never in a store or anywhere that I had to deal with the public before. The idea is daunting.
Steel sits down beside me and pulls my hands out from under me. He takes them in his hands, and the strength of his fingers helps me find my own strength.
"You've got nothing to be nervous about, if you can make me walk away from my life of ten years, then you can convince some teenager to try to toss a softball in a peach basket."
I smile and lean my head against him. He always knows how to make me feel better. There's no question, I'm happier with him. I don't care about my parents, or his fight, I care that he can sit here beside me and make everything better. Make me better.
"Let's go toss some balls," I say, standing up.
Peace Sells (Steel)
It's a Saturday in mid-May, and we're still in Mississippi. It's raining this afternoon, and the smell of damp earth mixes with the stink of the rides. Doesn't matter, the carnival is busy anyway. That's the thing with these little towns. The weekend the carnival comes to town is the only thing that happens all year.
I'm tired of standing out in the rain, and am going to swing by Emily's booth to dry off under the awning.
But first I'm getting her a funnel cake. I even paid for it, and am loading it up with chocolate, toffee sauce and whip cream.
I make my way down the midway. A couple of chicks in shirts soaked from the rain and clinging to their tits are coming the other direction. They're bleached blondes, and the taller one has tits so big that half the men she walks past crane their heads for another look.
They see my yellow carnival t-shirt, and bee-line towards me. These girls know they can come to a carny for a mind-blowing fuck no local boy is capable of giving them.
Last year, I'd have had both of them at once in my room. This year, all I can think of is avoiding them.
"Hey, sexy man," big tits says.
I ignore them and keep on walking.
"At least let us feel them muscles," one of them shouts after I'm past them.
"We'll give you a dollar if you show us them abs of yours," the other shouts.
I used to pocket a pretty penny from local girls wanting to see my body. This year I've been turning it all down, which Razor's been loving. He's raking in all my turnaways, and is planning to buy a PlayStation from all the extra money.
Not breaking my stride, I ignore them and arrive at Emily's booth. She's standing there, somehow managing to make the yellow carnival t-shirt sexy.
"Hey, sexy," I say, sitting on the counter. "I brought you something."
Emily comes over to me, and leans in for a kiss.
"God, that smells good," Emily says, breathing in the funnel cake.
"Don't suppose you brought me one of them," Cess says, tossing a softball in her hand.
"Next time," I say.
"You said that last time," Cess says.
"How's it going, you selling any?" I ask Emily.
"She's a natural. Ain't you, Goldie?" Cess says.
"Not surprised. That pretty face could get a man to do anything," I say.
"It worked on you," Emily says and laughs.
She takes a big bite of the funnel cake, her eyes close as the flavor fills her mouth. That's the look I'm used to seeing in our trailer, not from a bite of food.
A big, blond dude slaps five dollars on the counter. He's with a buddy, a guy only slightly shorter who's wearing a polo shirt. They look like the kind of people I'd expect Emily would be related to.
Cess snaps up the money and holds out three balls to him.
"I want them from her," he says, nodding to Emily.
My attention is drawn from Emily's pretty face to the idiot trying to win an impossible game.
"She's busy, you gotta take them from me," Cess says.
"I said, I want them from her," he says.
The dude's face coats in a smug smile as he stares at Cess. The back of my neck prickles. This guy had better drop it, if he knows what's good for him.
"Your choice, you take my balls, or you forfeit your money," Cess says.
"Oh, I think that pretty girl wants to give me the balls."
It pisses me off, but I know how common fuckers like these guys are. I take another bite of funnel cake and wait to see how Emily handles the situation.
"Now careful boys, you wouldn't want my boyfriend here to pulverize your pretty-boy faces now, would you?" Emily says.
"He's your boyfriend? Sweetheart, you can do a lot better than him. Let me show you all the things a real man can do." He pauses and stares at me. "Not some scumbag like him."