Then he hit gold.
I should've known the bastard's hands would find it, no different than a dog digging up a bone. I still died a little when his hand came up triumphantly, his fingers around the silver bullet, the purple cord dangling from his fingers.
“Fucking shit, is this what you do for fun?” His hand swept through the bottom drawer again. “There's gotta be more than this little dick on a wire.”
When he didn't find anything else, he chuckled. Loud, thick, and seriously amused. That pit in my stomach became a fucking chasm.
“Asphalt!”
“Christ, no dong in here to go with this clit grinder? I'm surprised, babe. How do you fuck yourself when there's no man around?” His green eyes pierced mine, curious mischief shining. “Fuck, I'm starting to think you really live that good girl shit night and day. Just how far does the act go? Don't tell me you've never had nothing bigger than this! I know you can take it deep, woman.”
“Damn it, get out!” I swung, snatching to take my vibrator back. He was way too fast, moving it high over my head to the other hand, where I couldn't reach. “Of course, it's all I've ever had! And it's none of your damned business!”
The shitty grin on his face evaporated. I turned around, all my blood suddenly lava, shame so intense at spilling my stupid secret that two fiery tears instantly ran down my cheeks.
“Holy fucking Moses,” he said softly. “You're just giving me shit, yeah? Jerking my balls around? There's no way – no fucking way – you're still a virgin, Elle. You've been to college, for fuck's sake!”
No more. I spun, dragging my half-zipped duffel bag behind me, and jumped at his hand. He didn't resist this time as I jerked my toy away from him, throwing it into the empty pocket. I pulled my suitcase hard, listening as it rolled over the toe of his boot.
“Babe, hold up, I didn't know you were so goddamned sensitive about –“
I slammed the door behind me before he could finish. I had to get out of there. Preferably before I suffocated from embarrassment, choking on my own lost secret.
The suitcase banged hard on the stairs behind me.
Line and the other Tacoma men were sprawled out in the living room, watching an old Western on the big, dusty TV daddy hadn't used since mom's last days. Thank God for small distractions.
They didn't have to see the hot mess I'd become. Nobody came to check on me when I flung the door open and wandered out into the night. Unfortunately, I hadn't closed the suitcase on my way out. It banged down the steps leading down the sidewalk.
I lost my grip and watched it tumble. A couple shirts and a black bra spilled out. I kicked the pavement so hard I stubbed my toe, resisting the urge to scream into the night and wake up the whole neighborhood.
Nobody here was a stranger to noise after living next to bikers and hardened vets-turned-mechanics over the years, but the last thing in the world I wanted was more attention.
Not when I just wanted to disappear, the only thing I wanted.
I pulled my coat tight, shoved my hands into my pockets, and headed for the old park.
The rain had softened into a cool, soft mist. It helped draw out my tears, taking them like orphans into the great fog settling over the city, away from the crude joke I'd been forced to live.
When the tears became too hot and too many for the mist to claim, I put my palms over my eyes, and let my sadness stab deep into the night.
He found me sometime later, soaked and sitting on a swing. His feet crunched the sand as he approached. I was too tired to move, so I could only flinch when his hands landed on my shoulders.
“Babe, come on. Let's find somewhere to crash inside before you get fucking pneumonia.”
I jerked up, desperate to get away from him, speed walking through the wet, sticky sand.
“What the fuck!?”
I heard him call after me. It didn't stop me. No words would. I just kept going, though I knew walking through the muck wouldn't save me. He'd catch me sooner or later, and then I'd have to scream.
I was on the wet, thick grass before he caught up, heading toward the paved trail into the hills. Didn't have a clue where I was going or how I'd survive the night, but every second away from him was precious. It prolonged my escape from this hell just a little bit longer.
“Ell-Bell, baby, stop running.” I didn't listen, ignoring the rough edge in his voice. He caught up to me and tried to grab me.
I swung around so hard I crashed into his chest, hit the ground, and he went down with me. We fought hard.
Screaming, thrashing, I swiped my nails across his face, tearing over the stubble I'd dreamed about gently caressing a thousand times before. The same rough patch that caused a firestorm in my blood a dozen times before, always so close to my skin, but never as close as I needed. And now, it repulsed me, so much I wanted to destroy it.