For the first time since he'd stormed off with his crew, my emotions aligned. Everything faded away. All the hate, all the confusion, all the anger.
It all evaporated into a great yawning nothing, void of everything except the slow, steady thud of my heartbeat, feeling for his pulse. I wanted to make his match mine, anything to bring him back to life.
Don't die on me. You can't fucking die.
Not now. Not ever.
For the next four hours, I prayed and fought my tears.
Caleb woke me up crying. I'd fallen asleep shortly after Blackjack came through, eyeing his man and whispering a few things I couldn't really understand. He told me to get some sleep before he stepped out.
Christa and Rabid came by to keep me company too. She was still up with a cup of coffee in her hands, keeping watch while I napped. She must've taken the baby as I went to sleep because when I woke up he was bouncing on her knee and smiling.
“Sorry,” she whispered. “I think the little guy needs a change. Want me to take care of it?”
Before I could answer, Roman's fingers wrapped around mine. “Babe.”
“Holy shit.” Both my hands flew to his and squeezed him tight. “Christa, go ahead. I just need a moment with him...tell them he's awake too.”
They'd said he wouldn't come out of it before noon tomorrow. The old clock hanging on the wall said it wasn't even seven A.M.
His color looked better, and he was warmer too. I leaned in, spilling my tears, dragging his heavy, strong hand up to my lips and giving it a kiss.
“We gotta talk,” he said, his voice low.
“Roman, we can do all that later. You're hurt real bad. You just need to rest.”
“Bullshit.” He tried to move, but his body instantly turned against him. “Fuck.”
I felt him tense up and then slump down on the mattress about five seconds later. “Baby, just rest. Don't strain yourself. You'll only make it worse.”
“My shoulder's burning like a motherfucker,” he growled.
“Let me talk to them. I'll tell them you need something stronger for the pain.”
His strength surged, and I gasped when he grabbed my wrist. “No. I don't give a shit about that. There's something else bothering me. Come closer.”
I leaned down, wiping away another tear as his stubble grazed my cheek. It made me think about the better times when we were so close, feeling his naked body against mine, rough and hot and powerful.
“I'm sorry I doubted you, babe. You were right about everything, and it's fucking gutting me. We walked into an ambush, and I nearly got my ass killed, just like my old man.”
Talk about slayed. I felt my heart ripping in half when I looked him in the eyes, saw the sorrow, the regret, the shame.
Jesus. Yeah, I'd been mad at him before I found out he'd be lucky to ever say another word to me, but I never asked for this.
And he wasn't done yet. Oh, no.
“Roman...” I shook my head.
“Quiet, babe. I'm telling you the honest truth, and I gotta lay everything out there, in case I can't later. I'm supporting you and staying in Caleb's life no matter fucking what. Still, this shit's taught me I can't make you a prisoner to this if you don't wanna be. I can't leave my brothers, just like I can't leave you. But I'll be an even bigger bastard if I don't offer you an out.”
“What?” His words were barely making sense. I couldn't even comprehend leaving this incredible bastard, even if he'd torn his way across my life like a storm.
“I'm not gonna force you to do a damned thing except keep your pretty head safe. You see the shit I get into. There's no guarantees it won't happen again, and maybe next time, I won't be so lucky. If you wanna scrub the brand and walk the fuck outta my life, I won't blame you. I won't chase you. I want you to be happy, babe, and something tells me you might be if you're not my old lady.”
I looked at him for about ten long seconds. Two futures flashed in my head like lightning.
There'd always be drama, passion, and sometimes as little taste of hell as long as he was around. But the alternative was a thousand times worse, dark and dead and gray.
Empty. Void. Meaningless.
“Think about it,” he growled. “You don't have to tell me a damned thing right –“
I had to be careful touching him, but just then, I wasn't even thinking. I stood up, leaned over, and pressed my lips to his so hard I almost bruised myself.
We kissed long and hard, and I didn't let up until he understood. I'd make him feel the message, through all his pain and regret, straight through whatever the hell they'd given him for meds.
“Babe...what the fuck was that?” he said, his eyes wide and more alive than they'd been a minute ago.
“That's me telling you love doesn't back down. I don't care what the future holds, Roman. The only one I want is with you, and I'll get your name inked in three more places before we're married.”