Outlaw's Vow: Grizzlies MC Romance(102)

I held her quietly, leaning in so she could kiss me. Those sweet, sweet lips...fuck.

Didn't have a clue how long it'd be before I tasted them again. A couple years if I got really lucky, about what I expected to torch the cancer beginning to gnaw away at the Grizzlies MC from the inside out.

“How the fuck do you kiss like that after you just escaped the reaper?”

She smiled, winked at me. “You're a little more handsome than the angel of death. I decided to stay.”

“I love you, Firecracker.” I held her, kissed her forehead, and tried to savor the moment as long as I could.

Too fucking long. Time to get on with it.

“Listen, I've got some shit to say, but before I do, never forget how much I love you.” Her smile softened, worry clouding her beautiful eyes. “Love you, babe. I always will, 'til I draw my last breath, even if you want to throw me straight down to hell and scratch my fucking eyes out.”

“What's going on?” She sat up, wincing when her weight shifted a little to the bad shoulder. “Oh, Jesus, it's not Finn, is it?”

I shook my head, grabbed both her hands, and pulled them to my chest. “Hell no. If anything happened to our son, that's the first thing you'd know about, babe.”

“I don't understand,” she whispered. “You look terrible. I don't like it. What's got you staring at me like...like you're about to hurt me.”

Shit. Having a dagger tearing through my ribs wouldn't have been half as painful as this stone cold agony. The longer I looked at the tension creeping up around her eyes, the more I wanted to gouge out mine, blind myself so I wouldn't have to see the sadness on her sweet face ever again.

No more bullshit. Pain time. I had to do what I'd come to do, take a bullet for her and Finn that would take them years to comprehend.

“Fuck it, I'd might as well spit it out. There's no easy way to say this, babe.” I paused, looked her dead in the eye, and let the hammer fall. “I'm going away for awhile. A long time.”

“Away?”

“Truth be told, you and Finn are the ones leaving California. I already talked to Oki, and he's taking you home to Spokane 'til I can sort out some nasty club business down here.”

“What? You walk in here acting like everything's okay, only to drop this bomb?” Tears filled her eyes, and I saw a lump slide down her throat. “How long? Are we in danger?”

“Fuck, no. I already saw to that by killing the motherfucker who let you and Julie get run off the road.” I stepped back and pushed my hand through the air, smooth as silk. “It's this club as a whole that won't be safe for a long time. Don't know how much longer I can pretend I don't see it, and when I can't pretend anymore, Fang's coming for me. The Prez'll fucking destroy anything in his path if it means smashing my guts like a fucking gnat. I'm not keeping you and Finn at his mercy, let alone any of the other venom he'll invite in, long as he's leading us.”

“Goddamn it, Blackjack.” She turned away from me, pushing a desperate palm over her head, through her sexy red hair.

My hand fell on her shoulder and squeezed. She wouldn't look at me 'til I rubbed that spot on her neck she loved, the one with all her heat, the target and I'd teased, kissed, and sucked a thousand times.

“It doesn't have to go this way. Leave the club,” she said, pouring those bright green eyes straight through me. “It's not too late to get out, especially if daddy helps you. We can leave the country. I'll go anywhere, put up with anything, just as long as we're together!”

Wish I'd brought earplugs, as big an asshole as that would make me. I had to turn away, if only to hide the sickness in my eyes, the soul killing poison ripping through my system right about now.

“Sam – please!”

I had to face her again, folding my arms across my chest. “Not an option, babe. I told you before, I have to keep you safe. I swore an oath to this club, too. Can't just leave it, hang up these colors, and run like a fucking coward. I'm not going to leave Wheeler and the other good brothers to fight on their own. They deserve better, and so does everybody under this patch.”

“So that's it, then? You're putting your oath to the club over our wedding vows?”

More questions. Accusations that sparked an inferno in my blood. I held my lava in, letting it melt my veins and blacken my heart.

“You know that's bullshit,” I growled. “I'm not going to shake you 'til you believe it, seeing what you've been through.”

“You're leaving Finn. Hell, leaving me to do it all alone, struggling to bring up our son when he needs a father.”

I finally understood what it was like to get eviscerated. My knees burned, and I could practically feel my guts swinging, sliding to the floor, my whole fucking life slipping away from the sword she'd just pressed in deep.