I thought of how scared everyone was of him. Even the Blood Spiders president had known him by reputation. “Carrick...what is it you do for the club?”
He shook his head, as if he’d rather lose me than have me know. “I’m not who you think I am,” he said at last.
Stop pushing, screamed a warning voice in my head. Let it go. But I was so determined to help him. “You saved me,” I reminded him.
“Yeah, so now we’re even.”
“Or maybe that means it’s my turn.”
He stared into my eyes and I could see the battle going on there, the hard, cold gray fighting with the blue. I was sure he was going to relent but then he shook his head. The anger seemed to drain from him, to be replaced with tiredness. “You’re way too late for that, darlin’.” He put me down and grabbed my wrist. “Come on.”
I followed, frowning. “Where are we going?”
“Bus station.”
I stopped dead in my tracks, my heart plummeting down to my feet. “What?”
“There’s a bus to Sacramento at noon.” He took out his money clip and pulled out the entire wad of bills. “There’s about four hundred there. Take it.”
I took it. I was too stunned not to. “You’re sending me away?” I croaked.
“This isn’t the place for you. The town, the club....me.”
I stared at him, speechless. I’d pushed too hard. I’d forced his hand. Shit! I’ve never wanted to take back a conversation more in my life. But it was too late.
He swung his leg onto the bike and, numb with shock, I climbed on behind him.
15
Carrick
She wrapped her arms around my waist for the very last time. It wasn’t like before. She was as stiff as a mannequin and I wondered if she was crying. Shit. But it’d be much, much worse if I let her get in any deeper.
The frustration was boiling up inside me. I was mad at myself for hurting her feelings. I was mad at the world for being fucking unfair.#p#分页标题#e#
Yeah, well, life isn’t fair. Guys like me don’t get a happy ever fucking after. We wind up dead in a ditch by the side of the road. Hell, I’d already be there, if it hadn’t been for her helping me, all those years ago. I was fucking lucky that someone like her had crossed my path twice in one lifetime, once so she could save me and once so I could repay the debt.
She was like a butterfly: when one of those lands on you, you don’t try to grab it or you’ll just crush it with your big, clumsy hands. You just drink in how pretty it is and then let it fly off to be with its own kind.
I knew all that. So why was it making me so mad, all of a sudden? Because she liked me as well? Because she had some delusion that I was a hero...and I wanted it to be true?
I was an idiot. I’d always known that I’d have to say goodbye to her. I’d meant to just drop her somewhere safe, as soon as we’d got out of the auction. But then there’d been the motel and that night together and breakfast and then the ride to Haywood Falls and buying her clothes and introducing her to the guys….
I’d gotten lost in the fantasy. I’d forgotten, for a morning, how much blood I had on my hands.
I told myself I was putting her on the bus for her own good, because she deserved way better than a life with someone like me. But I knew the real reason: her questions had made me realize that, if she stayed around, it’d only be a matter of hours before someone told her what I did for the club. And I couldn’t take seeing her eyes when she found out. She’d never look at me the same way again. Or worse, she’d want to help.
I didn’t share that load even with my brothers in the MC. No way was I going to taint her with it. It was my path to walk and mine alone.
I twisted the throttle and we roared out of the compound and along Main Street. In the mirror, I could only see Annabelle’s red hair streaming out in the wind, her face hidden as she sheltered against my back. I could guess her expression, though, and it made me screw my own face up in disgust. I knew this was the right thing to do. So why did it feel so wrong?
The bus station was a low brick building, not much more than a ticket office and some restrooms. It was ten to noon when we got there. Ten minutes until she was gone from my life forever.
She bought her ticket and then we stood there facing each other silently. There was so much I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her how fucking beautiful she was. I wanted to explain to her that she deserved a good life with some guy who wore a suit and came home every night at six. I wanted to explain that sleeping next to her had given me the first peaceful rest I’d had in years.