Outlaw Hearts(30)

Miranda found herself smiling wryly. “The notorious Jake Harkner, a farmer, perhaps?”

He shrugged. “Sure. I could do that.” He frowned then. “Well, maybe not a farmer—a gunsmith, maybe.”

Miranda laughed lightly. “That sounds more like an occupation you could handle.”

Jake watched her eyes, astounded that for a moment she looked at him almost lovingly. He looked back down at his food and took another mouthful. Jesus, it is definitely time to get out of here, he told himself. “What the hell am I saying?” he said aloud. “I’ll never be anything but a man on the run. And why should I work for money when I can get it the easy way? There’s no law farther west—perfect place for a man like me.”

Miranda frowned. “You mean I nursed you back to health just so you could go back out there and rob and kill again?” She watched him stiffen at the words, watched his dark eyes quickly turn angry again as he broke off a piece of bread from the loaf she had set on the table.

“It was your choice, lady. Maybe you should have turned me in to that sheriff.”

Miranda watched him dunk the bread into the juice of the stew, then bite off a piece. You don’t fool me, Jake Harkner, she thought. You really were thinking about changing your ways. You just don’t want anyone to know that sometimes you actually have decent thoughts. There was the little boy again. It had come out when he smiled and talked about living a normal life. It was the young boy who wanted that, but the man was telling him he couldn’t hope for such things. He had gone too far down the wrong path.

Miranda picked up the bread and used a knife to cut off a piece for herself. The room hung silent except for the sound of clinking forks. Miranda thought how easily defensive he was, realized that to get him talking again she had to change the subject. He was not about to continue discussing the possibility of being a settled man and leading an ordinary life. “How old are you, Jake?”

He took a swallow of coffee. “Thirty.” He finally met her eyes again. “You?”

Miranda buttered her bread. “Twenty.”

He stabbed another dumpling. “That’s not very old for a woman who’s been through all that you have. You must have been pretty young when you married.”

“I was sixteen.”

Again, Jake could not look at her. Sixteen. He thought how good it must have been, bedding a sixteen-year-old virgin beauty like her. Now that she had known a man, she’d probably be even better in bed. Maybe she even missed it. Damn her! He had to quit allowing those thoughts! He grabbed up his coffee cup and took another swallow, suddenly rising and scooting back his chair. “I can’t eat any more. I’ve got to get my gear so I can oil my guns. If I can get a good night’s rest, I’ll be out of your way tomorrow.” He headed for the bedroom to find his socks.

“Jake, that’s too soon. You can’t go riding off the first day you start feeling better. You’re still healing.”

Jake turned to meet her eyes, saw the true concern there. They just watched each other for a moment, and he knew she was feeling the same thing he was—he didn’t really want to leave, and she didn’t want him to go. “It’s best I go,” he told her. “You know I’m right, Randy.”

Their eyes held in mutual understanding. Yes, she thought, perhaps it is best you leave at that. She felt her cheeks getting hot, wondered at her own stupidity at allowing herself to be concerned for the very kind of man she should despise. She turned away. “I’ll go get your gear for you.” She hurried out, unable to meet his dark eyes again, and unable to control the tears that were forming in her own.

She breathed deeply of the fresh air and headed for the horse shed, thinking how there was so much about Jake Harkner she still didn’t know. Would he tell her what had happened with his father and the woman called Santana if she asked him? Or would he just get angry? It was so hard to tell what things he would talk about and what things might bring that fire to his eyes that frightened her a little.

She walked with hard, angry steps, chastising herself all the way to the shed, telling herself that her loneliness and loss had affected her mind. Keeping Jake Harkner in her own house, saving his life, was a traitorous act, traitorous to her father, to her friends, to Sheriff McCleave. What had possessed her to help and protect the man? He was probably right to say that he was fooling himself to think about settling. She had no doubt she had inadvertently hurt a lot of other people by helping Jake Harkner and turning him loose on society again. What an ignorant fool he must think her to be!