Outlaw Hearts(224)
He turned away, a little upset by the emotions she stirred in him. This was not supposed to happen. “I ran off after Pa’s arrest, hung out in Canada for a while. You ought to know I developed a bad drinking problem, ended up holing up along the Outlaw Trail. I took up with rustlers, killed a couple of men.” He turned back to face her. “I was pretty much going to hell, till Pa came for me after he was released. I had got myself in pretty deep trouble with a band of outlaws who were set to kill me. Pa risked his life to come for me. He helped me get off the whiskey. That’s why I turned down the drink.”
She nodded. “I understand. I’m glad you came through it, Lloyd, glad you’re back with your family again. That’s good. That’s the way it should be. You and your father were always close.”
He felt the anger welling up inside him then. “It wasn’t just what happened with my pa that made me do those things, Beth. It was you! Why did you just run off and let your pa force you to marry somebody else? You were forced, weren’t you? You couldn’t have loved the man, not after the way you felt about me, or at least how I thought you felt about me. You told me nothing would ever come between us, remember?”
She closed her eyes and turned away. “I remember, but life can take some strange twists sometimes, Lloyd. Something did come between us, but it was something good, not bad.”
The maid brought in a tray with two pots and two cups. She set it down on a table between the settees, and Beth moved to sit down. “Come and sit, Lloyd. Have some coffee.”
The maid went out and closed the doors so they could be alone. Beth poured Lloyd some coffee, and he grudgingly came to sit down across from her. She poured herself some tea, took a sip, as well as a deep breath. “You’re right,” she told him. “I didn’t love David. I grew to respect him, and in public we looked like a loving couple; but he never touched me, Lloyd. That’s the God’s truth. It was a masquerade of a marriage.”
Lloyd frowned, setting his cup down. “I don’t understand.”
“I had to marry quickly, Lloyd, because I was pregnant.” There, she had said it. She stared at her teacup, afraid to look at him. “David was a friend of my father’s. He was a widower. They had an understanding that he wouldn’t touch me until after the baby was born, but that he would say he was the father so my baby wouldn’t be branded with those awful names people have for the babies of unwed mothers. I never did find the courage or the desire to be a true wife to David, and he was not the type ever to force me, so our marriage was never really consummated.” She finally met his eyes, saw the tears in them. “I did what I did for our son, Lloyd. His name is Stephen, and he’s four-and-a-half years old. He’s a beautiful little boy, sweet and obedient. After David died, I knew I had to tell you, you had a son. No matter how you might feel about me, or if you’re in love with someone else, he’s still your son, and he should know you. I thought about how lies had nearly destroyed your life. I don’t want the same lies for Stephen. I want him to know the truth right from the beginning, to know you’re his real father.”
Lloyd rose, walking to a window. “My God,” he muttered. He shook his head. “You should have told me, Beth. You know I wouldn’t have run off. I would have married you.”
“I know. But Father had me whisked off to Denver and saying my vows before I had a chance to think straight. You had already run away, and I had no idea how to find you. I was already a good six weeks along when I married. Time was of the essence. Besides that, I was young and afraid, and I was so sick I could hardly hold my head up, sick from the baby, and sick with grief over you. I never wanted any of it, Lloyd. I just wanted you. I know it’s probably too late for that now, but it isn’t too late to get to know your son.”
He closed his eyes for a moment. When a chance for love and happiness presents itself to a man, he ought to grab onto it, his father had told him. “There is no one else,” he told her quietly, his back still to her. “There never has been. I thought I was over you, till I saw you just now. You want the truth?” He turned to face her, his eyes misty with tears. “You said you don’t want anything hidden. Damn it, I still love you, Beth! You don’t know what it was like, thinking about you being with some other man. I blamed my father for my losing you, hated him for a long time. But it’s like he told me once, we’re the only ones responsible for what we do with our lives. We can blame others all we want, but it’s really up to us.”