Jake closed his eyes and prayed he would be able to find Lloyd before he had to report to Kansas City. The thought of seeing his son again brought a quick ache to his chest, a mixture of fear, anticipation, joy, sorrow. All he could see was the little boy who used to ride on his shoulders, who looked to him with such love and trust, who cried the day he gave him his first rifle. How much of that little boy was left in the man? How much had hatred replaced the sweet love Lloyd used to have for his father?
He looked down at Miranda, and they embraced again. He could enjoy that embrace now. God, it felt good to hold her, smell her, feel her against him! For the first time since he was fourteen years old and had fled Texas, he was truly a free man.
Thirty-one
Miranda removed her hat and set it on a chair, glancing at the four-poster bed in the elegant room Brian had taken for them at the finest hotel in St. Louis. Miranda and Jake had both objected, but Brian and Evie had insisted that this first night alone together and Jake’s first night as a free man should be spent in the most comfortable place possible.
Jake closed and locked the door. He turned to face her, watching her lovingly. She met his eyes, knew by the look there that he was just as unsure and hesitant as she. “It’s been a long time for both of us, Jake. All I really care about is sleeping with you beside me tonight, lying in your arms, feeling your breath on my neck.” Her eyes grew misty as she walked up and embraced him. “I can hardly believe this has happened. Life is going to be so good for us now, Jake. We’ll find Lloyd and we’ll all be together again, just like I said would happen.” She looked up at him. “I told you to never stop believing, didn’t I?”
He kept one arm around her and with his other hand he began pulling pins from her hair. “We haven’t found Lloyd yet.”
“We will. Tonight let’s just enjoy being together, enjoy the news Brian and Evie gave us.” She smiled. “Our first grandchild, Jake! Life is going to be so good for us now. Let’s wallow in this wonderful freedom. For the first time in years you’ll sleep in a real bed with me beside you.”
He closed his eyes and leaned down to kiss her hair as he ran his hand through it to fluff it out from all the pins. He relished the silken feel of it, breathed in the smell of soap and lilac perfume. “Randy,” he whispered, “I don’t even know if I can be a real husband to you anymore. It’s been so long, it’s like, like that part of me died.”
She pulled back and began unbuttoning his shirt. “I told you that all I want is to sleep beside you. Getting back to a normal life is going to take time. I know that.” She looked up at him, leaned up and kissed his lips, lightly at first.
Memories and needs began flooding in then for both of them. Jake returned the kiss with a deeper one, the lingering, groaning kiss of a man long deprived of a woman’s softness, a woman’s love, a woman’s pleasures. In all the years since he’d first met her, he’d never wanted her this badly, but to his horror, nothing was happening physically to make that possible. He released the kiss, closing his eyes and turning away. He angrily removed his shirt.
Miranda went to her bag and took out a flannel gown, deciding it was best to say nothing. After four years in prison, being so sick the last two months, worrying over Lloyd, he was expecting too much of himself. This was a personal matter that she decided only Jake could work out with himself. The more she tried to soothe him, the worse he would feel.
She went into a changing room and undressed, coming out to find Jake already in bed, the lamp turned low. She moved into bed beside him. “Just hold me and never let go,” she whispered. His arms came around her, and she snuggled into his shoulder. “Of all the times we’ve made love, this moment is the most pleasurable of my life, Jake Harkner, just having you beside me like this.”
He stroked her hair, kissed it. She moved her hands over him lovingly, realizing then he had worn nothing to bed. She decided to just lie quietly, let him sleep if that was what he wanted. It had been a long day for them both. “I love you, Jake.”
“Yo te quiero, mi esposa,” he answered softly.
It was the most blessedly wonderful experience of her life, as far as she was concerned. He was free! Free! They had shared a wonderful dinner with Evie and Brian and Louella Adams, Jake ignoring the stares of the other patrons. After dinner, she and Jake had rented a carriage and sat in each other’s arms while they were driven around and shown the city, which was lovely at night. Miranda remembered the last time she had been here, how she had hated it.