He shook his head. “Damn it, Randy, it doesn’t matter. I’ve lost Lloyd. I did some terrible things and I’m getting my just punishment.”
“Jake Harkner, don’t you dare give up on me! All these years I’ve held on, stayed by your side through the worst of it. Be strong for me, Jake!” Her voice broke, and she turned away, her shoulders shaking in sobs.
She felt him touch her then. She turned and wept against his chest, took comfort in the feel of his left arm embracing her. “My poor Randy,” he groaned. “You’ve always been far too good for me.”
“No. Not nearly good enough. You’re…the one who had the strength to rebuild your life…after all the obstacles…all the horror. I’ve always admired your courage, Jake. Don’t lose it now.”
“I don’t think I can go on with my son hating me,” he told her. She felt him tremble. “I can’t stand it, Randy. You didn’t see how he looked at me.”
She rubbed at his back. “If you won’t fight for yourself, Jake, then fight for that, for Lloyd. You never had the chance to confront your own father, to truly know him. You can’t tell me you wouldn’t have liked to be able to just see him once more and tell him that deep inside a part of you loved him. You never got over his life ending through such hatred and hard feelings. Don’t let it be that way for you and Lloyd. Someday he’s going to see he was wrong, and you’re going to want to be here for him when he does.”
Jake pulled away and rubbed at his eyes. “The only thing he understands is that he’s lost Beth. He admitted that things between them had gone a lot further than we thought. I’d be angry too, if somebody caused me to lose you.”
She touched the bandages on his arm. “Jake, your hand. It must be so painful.”
“I’d cut it off if it would bring back Lloyd and keep him from trouble,” he said resignedly. He walked to the cell door, feeling restless. “When is the trial?”
“Just a few more days, Attorney Mattson says. He’ll be coming to talk to you again soon. Tell him the truth, Jake. Don’t leave anything out.” She rose and walked over to put a hand to his back. “Don’t lose hope, Jake.”
He smiled sadly. “How can I, with my ever-hopeful wife around?” He faced her, putting a hand to her face. “See if that attorney can arrange it for me to clean up and shave before I have to face the judge. Get me some clean clothes.”
“I will.”
“Jess with you?”
“He’s out in the main area with Evie.”
“Good. I don’t want you walking around without him, understand? Some men get strange ideas about women married to criminals.”
“Oh, Jake, you’re no criminal. Not now.”
“I mean it. Keep Jess with you. He’ll watch after you, gladly.” He met her eyes. “The man loves you, you know.”
She felt herself blushing. “Jake Harkner, what makes you think that?”
“I don’t think it. I know it. If something happens to me…”
“Jake, stop it! There could never be anyone else for me.”
“You aren’t that old, and you’re a beautiful woman. I need to know someone will love you, take care of you. I wouldn’t mind if it was Jess.”
Her throat ached with a need to cry. “I can take care of myself, Jake Harkner! I did it before you came along and I can do it again. Don’t go pushing me into some other man’s arms just yet. You might be coming home with me.”
He shook his head. “You know I won’t, Randy.”
Their eyes held. They both felt the agony of needing to be together just once more. They would not make love again, never again enjoy the freedom and happiness they had shared for the last nineteen years. There had been bad times, but they had gotten through them. This was the worst, and, she thought, perhaps he was right. Perhaps he wouldn’t be coming home, ever.
A guard came to the cell door then. “Time to go, Mrs. Harkner.”
Miranda blinked back tears. “Keep faith, Jake.” Her voice began to break. “Remember what I said, about how we were meant to be? I still believe it. God will bring us through this. Lloyd too. You’ll see.”
He gave her a weak smile. “I’ll see you at the trial.”
The guard unlocked the door, and she stepped out. She looked back at Jake. They had not even kissed, and she knew he wanted it that way. “Good-bye, Jake,” she said softly, remembering the day she had said it years ago when he rode off and left her back in Kansas City.
***
The courthouse was packed, as it had been for the three days of Jake’s trial. The general public, many for whom the days of lawlessness during and after the war were a vague memory, or younger ones who did not remember those days at all, were there out of curiosity, to see a “real outlaw.” Others who had stronger, more painful memories of those days, were there to see that the “goddamn, murdering rapist” paid his just dues.