Out of the Box(22)
Fire surges into my cheeks, and I glare at her. How dare she make it sound like I’m the one who wants to abandon my parents?
She meets my eyes. “I’m worried about you, Ellie. I think you need a break, and I’m trying to provide that for you. You seem to have blossomed this summer—making friends with Sarah, learning to play the bandoneón, getting to know Victoria on your own. I don’t want you to backtrack when you go home.”
“What do you know about how things work in my family?”
She stares at me in shocked silence. Until this moment “my family” has always included her. I know my words cut deep, but she’s brought it on herself.
She’s asking me to pick favorites, and she should know that’s a dangerous game to play.
FOURTEEN
“Dad, it’s me.”
“Hi, honey.” Dad hates talking on the phone, so we haven’t spoken at all since I left home. But I still expected him to sound happier to hear from me. Maybe I’ve caught him in the middle of something. Maybe he and Mom are working out the details of their divorce. “How’s Victoria?”
I describe my adventures with Sarah and meeting Michael and Steve. I do not mention that Sarah has been talking about Michael and Steve almost nonstop since. She sees them as her “in” at Vic Middle. I tell myself it’s ridiculous to feel left out when of course they’ll be more useful to her than I ever could be.
“That’s great, Ellie,” my father says.
“How are you doing, Dad?” I ask. “Mom says she’s worried about you.”
“Oh, I’m okay,” he says. “Pretty busy with work.”
That’s always his first answer. It takes several minutes of talking to get to the deeper issues. “Your mother’s never home,” he says finally, “and when she does get home, she expects me to drop everything and pay attention to her, no matter what I’m doing. It gets old after a while.”
“She says she’s concerned about you pulling back into yourself.”
“Yeah,” he admits, “I can see that, but it’s a two-way street, you know? She’s got to meet me halfway, and not only on her terms.”
“Mm.” This is exactly what I suspected. Mom never tries to see anything from anyone else’s point of view. It’s her way or the highway. “Do you know when she’ll be back tonight?”
His choking laughter sounds totally unlike him. “Hard to say. She’s mostly been calling you from work these days.”
“Oh. Well, tell her I’ll be waiting for her call.”
“Ellie, it’s so good to hear your voice.”
You’d think we hadn’t spoken in a year. “You too, Mom. Sorry I worried you.” I hold my breath until I can tell if she wants an apology, or if it’ll make her angry.
“I’ve missed you,” she whispers, like she always does when she’s about to cry. “I just—”
“It’s okay, Mom,” I say. “I’m not mad. I never was.
It’s just that—” Damn. How do I explain without making Jeanette look so bad that Mom comes to drag me back? I’m pissed off at my aunt, but not so much that I want to go home. “Jeanette was telling me you were having a hard time and thought you might need some time to think. Without having to worry about me, I mean. That’s why she kept taking the phone,” I lie.
“And you went along with that?” she asks. “How do you think I’ve felt this week, sitting here, wondering what I’ve done to offend you?”
“Mom,” I say, “I didn’t mean to worry you. I know you’re really busy, and—”
“You think I’m too busy to care about you?” Her voice is shrill. “When have I ever not been there for you? And as for too busy to care, well, I could say the same thing about you, young lady.”
I hate it when she does that. I take a deep breath and put on my calmest voice. “I’m not blaming you, Mom. I know things are very stressful for you at work and at home and everything. I don’t want to make things worse.”
“So you hide your feelings from me?” She’s shouting now. “You think that solves the problem? How would you feel if I treated you that way?”
Now is not the time to point out that I wish she would keep her feelings from me a bit more. All at once, I realize Jeanette was right about one thing at least: I could have hung on to the phone all those times, but I didn’t.
“What? You’re not even going to answer me now?”
“Yes,” I blurt, “I’m still here. I’m trying to figure out how to help.”