“What?” he asks softly, stroking my chin so I’ll look at him. I just shake my head, and Rafe huffs and pulls me on top of him, nestling his mouth near my ear. “Tell me.” He squeezes me tight and I shudder and wince, my legs falling open around his hips. I wrap his hair around my fingers and kiss the warm skin below his ear.
“Tell me, Colin. Just say it, whatever it is. Say it quick.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and breathe in the smell of his hair.
“I think… I need you.”
“What?” he asks gently, cupping my face and moving me so he can see me.
I bite my lip, and I’m sure my face is bright red because I can feel the heat there.
“I don’t know what’s fucking wrong with me,” I say, trying to explain, “but you do something to me and I….” I shake my head, the words coming out in a muddle.
Rafe’s hands are warm on my face, his eyes gentle, but he doesn’t bail me out. He just listens.
“Before, I was—before I met you was… terrible. Everything was terrible. I was… terrible. I didn’t mean to be. I just… I couldn’t—and then I met you and now, I can’t—if you weren’t—I don’t… I—”
I’m shaking and Rafe takes pity on me.
“I need you too, doll,” he says, squeezing me tight. “I need you too.”
Chapter 13
“WHERE THE fuck have you been?”
Even though there’s no one else here, Brian is sitting on the floor in front of the television, where he usually sits when Pop or Sam takes the recliner and I take the couch.
His face is puffy and his eyes are vacant and there are beer cans strewn all over the living room. Even through the mustiness, the yeasty metallic smell tells me the cans have been sitting here awhile.
Though I’ve always let myself in to Pop’s house before or come in through the garage after work, it feels weird to just walk in. Like I’m intruding.
“Had to get out of here for a bit,” I say, defensiveness rising immediately, even though the whole reason I came over here was to apologize for disappearing and to make sure he’s okay.
I cross my arms and pinch myself to try and set myself back on course.
“So, listen,” I say, sinking deep into the busted couch cushions. “Um, we need to figure out what’s going on with the shop. Do we want to keep things the same for a bit or start accepting different kinds of business? Do we want to take a little time?”
Brian’s not even looking at me.
“Callie didn’t call me back,” he says softly.
“Huh? Who’s Callie?”
“Callie. I told you about her!” Brian’s voice rises an octave.
“Call—oh, the girl you puked on.”
“I didn’t puke on her!” Brian whines. Then he mumbles, “It was on her cat. I don’t think she likes me anymore.” Brian’s eyes are unfocused and he sounds like a second grader. A drunk second grader. He reaches out blindly for a beer can and takes a swig. He immediately sputters and gags.
“Not from today?” I say as he wipes his tongue with his sleeve.
“Ugh!” He throws himself down so he’s lying on the floor.
I trap my hands beneath my thighs so Brian can’t see they’re in fists. It took all the energy I had to get over here today so we could figure shit out about the shop. I really don’t feel like hearing about Brian’s latest random obsession.
“Uh. Right. Anyway, about the shop….”
“Are you still gonna let me work there?”
“What? Of course. What are you talking about?”
“Well, everyone knows I’m not good at it the way you and Pop and Sam are. Hell, even Daniel was better with cars than me.”
He’s right. He’s not great with the complicated fixes and doesn’t have the focus the rest of us do, but… I didn’t actually think he knew that.
“You all just send me to make coffee and pick up the old ladies anyway. Probably doesn’t pay enough to keep the house now that it’s only me.”
“Bri,” I say, “that’s—I mean, you’re—we…,” I start. He snorts. “This is a family business, is what I mean. And you’re part of it. Okay, yeah, maybe if you were a stranger, I wouldn’t hire you over someone else. But that’s not the point. You know the business and you’re one of us, so shut up about that shit.”
I was shooting for comforting, but the way Brian’s looking at me, I think I may have missed the mark.
“What if—what if I didn’t want to do it anymore?” Brian says softly. “The shop. What if I want to do something else?” His voice is almost a whisper and he’s looking at me like he’s afraid of what I might do.