Out of Nowhere(49)

I shake my head, trying to banish the thoughts, and Rafe’s hand softens slightly in my hair. I kiss him again, but I can’t get back that mindless intoxication from a few minutes before. The one I could lose myself in.

“I want you to tell me what you like and what you don’t, okay?” Rafe’s expression is serious and I feel ridiculous. I shake my head and kiss him again in an attempt to shut him up.

“So you like kissing. Noted,” he says.

“Asshole.” I roll my eyes, but he just looks amused.

“Okay, so it’s hard for you to tell me what you like in bed.”

God, I just want him to stop fucking talking about it and do something. I can feel my face heat.

“All right,” he says. “I have some ideas. I just need to make sure that I’m not misinterpreting.”

“Misinterpreting what?”

Rafe looks almost uncertain for a moment.

“Come here,” he says, his voice low and commanding. “Put your hands on my shoulders and kiss me.”

I do, and I squeeze his shoulders, loving the strength of his muscles, the solidity of his frame.

“Closer,” Rafe says, and I press my chest to his, getting as close as I can while still kissing him. “Put your arms around my neck,” he murmurs against my lips, and I do, running my fingers through the hair at his nape. Rafe leaves one hand on my neck when he leans back against the couch, and when he looks at me this time, he’s nothing but confidence and certainty.

“I just had to make sure,” he murmurs. He looks me up and down. “Damn, that’s beautiful.”

“Uh, what?” I’m lost. And turned on. Why’d he stop?

“You like it when I tell you what to do.”

My head snaps up. “What?” I sure as hell do not like anyone telling me what to do.

“Not ordinarily. I mean in bed.” His hand is soothing on my back.

“Uh….”

He leans in and kisses me deep. I melt against him, winding my arms back around his neck.

“Which is incredibly hot,” he says against my lips, “since I like telling you what to do in bed.”

“I—but—um.”

“Lie back,” Rafe says, easing me off his lap and onto my back on the couch. He looks almost amused as he leans down to me. “What do you want me to do, Colin? I’ll do anything you want. Anything.” He kisses me, then pulls away. “Well?”

“Um… I… I don’t know.”

He leans back down so our hips are pressed together and murmurs in my ear, “Colin, I’m going to slide my hand down your pants and jerk you off until you scream my name.”

“Oh fuck!” My hips jerk up, desire sharp in the pit of my stomach.

Rafe half smiles at me. “See?”

“God damn it.” Why does that turn me on so much? Great, one more way I’m totally fucked up.

“Come on, doll,” he says, kissing the corner of my mouth and sliding a hand down to my hip. “You’re so hot for this.” He grinds our hips together and a sweet pulse of pleasure spreads through me. I thrust my hips up again, chasing the sensation.

“Rafe, fucking come on,” I moan. I’m trembling, like my skin can hardly contain my reaction to him.

He slides a hand around to my ass and I jerk into the couch cushions, startled.

“What is it?” he asks.

I shake my head, trying to focus on Rafe rather than on shit from the past. “Nothing. Feels good.”

Rafe sighs. “Colin.” He’s searching my face. “I need you to be honest with yourself. It’s really important to me, okay? I can’t—can’t do something you’re not okay with. Please don’t put me in that position.” His touch on my stomach is soothing. “We have plenty of time. Okay?”

I nod. “I swear, I’m fine.” Lie. Total lie. But I don’t know what else to do. I want this. “I just don’t really know what the fuck I’m doing, okay?” Hopefully that will be enough of the truth to satisfy Rafe.

“Okay.” His voice is calm. “Can you tell me what you want right now?” He runs a hand over my hair.

I squeeze my eyes shut so I can pretend he’s not looking at me. I want to stop thinking about it. I want to stop talking about it. I just want to be caught up in it. “I… I want you to do… whatever.”

That didn’t really come out how I wanted, but Rafe shudders like it totally does it for him and lets out a breath, running fingers over my lips.

“You tell me if you want me to stop, okay?”

I nod and grip his shoulders as he slides a hand inside my pants. He palms my erection, and I cry out and grab for him.