“Good. Sorry I haven’t been a better host.”
“No worries. It’s been…interesting.”
Zach decided not to ask for more details. Instead he headed up the stairs, pushing his door open with his hip and gently lowering her to the bed.
“I know you’re not asleep,” he murmured.
“I am nearly.” She sounded grumpy, and he smiled. She peeked at him from beneath her lashes. “I promise I’ll be friendly tomorrow.”
“You don’t have to if you don’t want. Just be yourself.”
A weak smile curved her lips. “They’d probably run away screaming.”
“They’re tougher than they look.”
But she was already asleep.
He stripped off his clothes and lay down next to her. He didn’t bother trying to remove her robe; he didn’t want to wake her again. He lay on his side and watched her sleep. Her skin was no longer pale, but golden, and the freckles had multiplied until he could spend all night counting them. Her lashes were dark red, tipped with gold from the sun, and her lips were slightly parted. He lowered his head and kissed her gently then gathered her in his arms and slept.
A scream tore him awake. Panic gripped him. He bolted upright and reached for the lamp by the bed.
Chapter Fifteen
“Dani?”
Even as Zach spoke, he realized that she was still asleep and deep in some nightmare. Her brother? The explosion?
Should he wake her? She opened her mouth in a soundless scream, and he made his decision, reaching out and shaking her shoulder. “Dani, wake up.”
For a few seconds, she didn’t respond and he shook her again, harder this time, needing to get her out of whatever hell she was trapped in.
Finally, her lashes flickered open and she blinked up at him, her eyes dark and watchful.
“You’re all right. You were dreaming,” he murmured.
She pulled herself up so she was leaning against the headboard, then ran a hand through her hair with fingers that trembled. A pulse beat in her throat.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She nodded, but he could see she was shaken. “I was dreaming about the explosion. That moment when the dog whined, and I knew there was something wrong, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t get away, like I was locked in place.”
“It’s past. Gone. You’re safe.”
“I haven’t dreamed since I’ve been here. I thought it was finished, that I was over it. That I was all right now.”
“You are all right. You’re perfect.”
She swallowed. “I’m not perfect. I was never perfect, and now I’m totally screwed up.”
He wanted to tell her he would keep her safe. But how could anyone keep her safe if she decided to go back to her old life? He shuddered at the thought. And even if she took up this new life, he would never be sure that she wasn’t in harm’s way. How could he stand the thought that she was putting her life on the line for some other asshole?
It was bad enough when it was him. At least he could keep her close, look out for her, even if she hated it. But what happened after?
“You know, you could always not go back to the army,” he said slowly.
She’d been sitting, arms wrapped around her knees, the sheet tucked in against her breasts, staring out of the darkened window. Now she turned her head to study him. He wished he knew what she was looking for. “It’s my life.”
“But it doesn’t have to be.”
“I’ve got nowhere else to go.” She shook her head. “Jeez, I sound so goddamn pathetic.”
“You’re not pathetic, and you’re not alone. You have friends. You could do anything, go anywhere.” He wanted to mention L.A. again but couldn’t bring himself to in case she rejected the idea totally. “Maybe you could work with animals—you’re good with animals. You don’t have to go back.”
“What if I want to go back?”
“How can you?”
“Because I’m good at it. I’m needed. I do something useful. I belong.”
“Hey, maybe I need you.”
She stared him in the face, and he had no clue what she was thinking. “Yes, but for how long?”
He felt the first stirrings of anger. He didn’t know how long. How could he promise forever when who knew what could happen, how he would feel tomorrow or the next day? How she would feel. In her own way, she was penning him in. Wanting promises.
“Maybe I can come and visit when I’m on leave?” she said, her tone diffident.
Perhaps it was time to get this out in the open. “I don’t want you going back.”
Her expression tightened. “And what do you want?”