Our Now and Forever(34)

“You okay?” he asked, which was the last thing Snow expected him to say.

“I’m not sure,” she answered truthfully. She didn’t know what end was up at this point. “I’m sorry,” was the only thing she could think to say.

Caleb leaned forward with his elbows on his knees as he scrubbed his hands down his face. “What happened after I left you at the store this morning?” He turned her way, blue eyes intent. “We were good. Something changed that.”

Snow yearned to tell him the truth, but while relieving her conscience would take the weight off her shoulders, knowing the truth would only hurt Caleb. Protecting him was the least she could do.

“I called my mom today,” she said, wanting to tell him something. “She was pretty upset.”

“You haven’t called her all this time?” he asked. “I checked with her every month or so, and she said all she could tell me was that you were okay.”

He’d called her mother every month. Snow couldn’t believe he’d never given up.

“I sent messages through a friend.” She shrugged, shame washing over her as she added, “I didn’t want her to have to lie to you. If she didn’t know where I was, then she didn’t have to lie.”

A tear slid down her cheek, but Snow ignored it. Why hadn’t she recognized what she was doing by asking his own mother to lie to him? Snow had been so desperate to get away, she hadn’t thought of anyone but herself.

To her surprise, Caleb leaned back and took her hand. “I need to understand why you ran away, Snow. Tell me what I did to make you go.”

She squeezed his hand, unable to resist the source of strength. “I told you—”

“No,” he cut her off. “Don’t give me the not-compatible crap again. In the four months we were together, we never argued. If there was something wrong, you should have told me.”

Pulling her hand from his, Snow shifted until she was facing him and tried to explain. “Caleb, life is one easy day after another for you, but that isn’t reality. Not for all of us. If I had told you I had concerns, you would have said everything was fine. Brushed it off as nothing we couldn’t deal with, but your idea of dealing with something is ignoring it.”

Tilting his head back, Caleb spoke to the ceiling. “You really don’t think much of me. It’s a wonder you married me at all.”

“You’re a great guy, but—”

“But I’m a shallow jerk who never listens to you.”

“That’s not—”

“When?” he asked, draping an arm across the back of the couch. “When did you tell me you had concerns and I didn’t listen?”

Snow racked her brain searching for an answer. In truth, she’d kept much of her thoughts to herself during their brief time together. “I said I was worried that the houses we were looking at were too much for us.”

“And I said once we had kids, they wouldn’t feel so big.”

“But we never talked about kids.”

“Of course we did,” he said. “When we talked about the house.”

Shaking her head, Snow said, “We didn’t talk about the house either. You said we’re going here and we’ll have kids, but I never said anything. I didn’t feel like I had a vote.”

Caleb rubbed the stubble on his chin, looking as if she’d landed a right hook. “You don’t want kids?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Snow closed her eyes and tried to find the right words. “I went from enjoying dating a new guy to being that guy’s wife. It’s a miracle we didn’t both suffer whiplash from how fast things happened. Sneaking away wasn’t the right way to handle the situation, but I was running on instinct, and all I knew was that I couldn’t get my bearings and I couldn’t stay.”

“I never had any doubts,” Caleb said. “I didn’t think you did either.”

With a sad sigh, she said, “I’m not sure doubts is the right word. We were still getting to know each other when we landed in Vegas. I never considered we’d come back married.”

“You say that as if I dragged you to the chapel.”

“I take full responsibility for getting caught up in the whirlwind and going along with it. It wasn’t until the dust settled that I realized what we’d done. That’s when the panic set in.”

Rubbing the top of her knee, he said, “I’m sorry that you went through that alone. And that you thought I wouldn’t listen to you.”

In Snow’s experience, men didn’t apologize often. She was relieved to have her misgivings finally out in the open, and that Caleb understood that they’d made a mistake. This was the closure they needed.