“I don’t know if I can help you, Magic, but you know I’ll try my best.”
He lowered his gaze to the floor. He didn’t like appearing weak. And the way he was trembling, screamed weak as fuck. But Doc knew everyone’s weaknesses, and never looked down on any of them. She was a damn good female.
“Why don’t you sit down.”
Magic cleared his throat, stiffly moving to the couch. He felt like a human accordion, folding himself onto the small furniture. Kicking one foot out, he tried to get comfortable.
“Where should we start?” Doc mused, tapping her finger against her chin. “Have you ever talked about that day? The day you lost her?”
He shook his head. “I can’t go there yet.”
“We all know what happened. People talk,” she said carefully. “But I think you already know that.”
Magic nodded, rubbing his palms together. It bothered him that people discussed his past, but it didn’t surprise him. And they deserved to know about the person they trusted as leader.
“I’m not ready to talk about that night,” he said again.
He looked around the office. It could be any doctor’s office except for the collection of candles that lined one window and the multi-colored afghans folded neatly on the arm of the couch. Those two things coupled with the wood plank walls made it feel a tad more homey.
“Then maybe you’d like to talk about how you feel.”
Magic raised one eyebrow skeptically.
“What? Isn’t that what therapists say? Look, I’m winging it here.”
He shook his head, staring out the small window by the side of the couch. “Maybe I just need to start a diary or some shit.”
“Is that what you need? Someone to listen to whatever you say and not respond?” She kicked her feet up on the desk. She wore hiking boots instead of those thick-soled things you saw in most hospitals. “I can do that. No problemo.”
He stared at her. Was that what he needed?
“What do you think I need?”
One side of her mouth came up in a smirk. It would’ve lent itself more of a smartass effect if not for the way she peered over her glasses.
“Aw now, Magic. I could tell you what I think you need, but I doubt you’d want to hear it.”
He frowned. “You’re the doctor. Of course I want to hear it.”
“Yeah, but this wouldn’t be the doctor speaking. This would be Christina, your friend and clanmate.”
Magic sat back and crossed his arms. He never liked knowing what his clan thought of him. He was a hardass, he knew. He made life difficult for their animals, he knew. But each of them had chosen to be here. They’d all agreed on the no mating pact, each for their own reasons. If any of them wanted out, all they had to do was say the word.
“Okay, Christina, my friend and clanmate. What do you think I need?”
She was doodling on a small notepad while she thought. He waited for what seemed like hours before she answered, but he knew it was only minutes. Maybe even seconds.
Doc held up the note pad to show him what she’d drawn.
“A heart? You think I need a heart?”
He wasn’t heartless. He didn’t like that his clan was incomplete without their mates. He felt their pain whether they realized it or not. It was just a matter of which pain was worse. Being responsible for the eroding of a female’s soul, or being alone. Alone seemed better for everyone by far. But maybe they didn’t see it that way because they hadn’t lived it like he had.
“I have a heart,” he said, disgusted by her answer.
She rolled her eyes over her glasses. “Obviously. Or you wouldn’t be here right now. Love, Magic. You need love.”
“Love.” He stared at her. Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable.
How could a smart female like Doc even suggest such a thing?
She nodded, her serious gaze never leaving his. “Love.”
“Are you…” Fucking kidding me?
His urge to rant and rave was nearly impossible to deny, but he tried. He counted to ten before continuing.
“Falling in love would be one hell of a stupid move for me, Doc. You got hidden cameras in here or something? I feel like I’m being Punk’d.”
She grinned, but Magic didn’t see anything funny. “I didn’t say you need to fall in love. I said you need love. Specifically someone to love you.”
Her explanation didn’t clear anything up.
“That’s a horrible idea. What good would that do?”
She pulled her feet down and sat forward, elbows resting on the desk. “Listen, I call it how I see it. You need someone who loves you enough to stop you from sabotaging yourself. Someone who will slap you upside the head when you’re being an asshole. Someone who will cause you to let loose and have a little fun. Make you smile just once when something’s funny. An actual smile. Not that dumb smirk you get sometimes. Like you can’t care enough to make the other side of your mouth lift.”