She didn’t feel physically weak anymore. The sleep had done her good, and the bonding had strengthened her latent cat.
She showered, happy to wash away the ickyness from crying. Pausing mid-scrub, she wondered if Magic’s scent would wash down the drain. In a normal situation, once a cat was marked, it was permanent. But she wasn’t normal, and he hadn’t gone all the way with her.
She finished, and stepped onto the plush rug to dry herself. Heart pounding in her chest, she inhaled deeply, her eyes closing in relief when his scent mixed with hers invaded her senses.
Leaning against the counter, she let the smell calm her. She couldn’t be panicking like that. She had to be strong. No one could see how badly Magic’s denial affected her.
She lifted her head to the reflection in the mirror.
She was fierce. A fighter, Mandi had called her. And now she was legitimately, a lioness.
Kinda.
“Rawr,” she said lamely to her own reflection.
Josie dressed, taking extra time with her makeup. Standing back to look in the mirror, she found her spirits lifting. No one would tell she’d been crying. Her best jeans, the dark ones with strategically places holey spots, hugged her ass like a lover, and the low cut cashmere sweater she wore made her girls look ready to jump out and wave hello.
If you can’t feel good, dress good. A rule of life according to Josie.
She took the time to blow out her hair, letting her natural waves fall down her back, and her look was complete.
“There. Ready to face the world.”
Phone in hand, she stepped into the hall and made her way toward the spa. First she’d settle things with Beth, then she’d pay a visit to Doc Davis to make sure everything was kosher in the lady department now that she was… shifterizing.
Magic still had lessons to learn. One she knew well: life goes on even if you choose not to. It doesn’t wait for you.
And she wasn’t waiting for him to live hers.
Chapter Ten
Magic’s panther bounded down the mountain trail, bunching his hind legs for a jump that was probably too high. The rock cliff coming up would be nearly impossible to land, but he felt like pushing himself to the extreme. It felt good to finally let go of all the hate he held for his animal. And maybe he wasn’t done hating the bastard. After all, he was keeping him from his female. But it was a start. To be in his fur again and not despise every minute of it, was definitely a start.
He had to make some changes, that much he knew. It was like Doc said, if he didn’t figure out how to let go of Mandi, he’d never heal from their mating.
Mandi. Mandi, Mandi, Mandi…
He let the name roll around in his thoughts as he leapt for the side of the cliff. He caught it with his front paws and hooked his rear ones on a flimsy tree branch, pushing himself up.
He’d done it.
Turning in a circle, he looked out over the heavily covered forest. Oranges and yellows and reds mixed with the firs that would stay green all year long. Another week and the leaves would fall, leaving only branches to catch whatever ice and snow the winter would bring them.
His land was beautiful. He didn’t look at it enough. Instead, he shut himself in his office and submerged himself in work. Or the lodge events. Or other people’s problems. In order to avoid his own. He’d gone to Doc for help, claiming to want a change, but he’d been completely unwilling to accept any.
Now he was on a precipice. Both literally and figuratively.
Mandi.
Sadness filled him and his animal whined into the wind blowing by. He’d failed her in life. He hadn’t given her what she needed to be okay with their mating. But no matter how much he regretted it now, he couldn’t change it. Such was the way of fucking up. Making amends was never as easy as making the mistake.
He closed his eyes, letting the sun soak his fur and ward off the November chill while he recalled Josie’s words.
You’ve got it all wrong, Magic. She didn’t end her life just to escape. That was part of it, but ultimately she left because she thought you’d be better off. You were never as invested in the relationship as she was, and she could see what it was doing to you both. With her gone, you could be free again.
And so could she.
It isn’t what any survivor wants to hear when a loved one commits suicide, I get it. I’m so damned sorry, I am. But that was her frame of mind when she took that poison. Except neither of you were freed by her death. Your misery and her guilt locked her in that storm tighter than any prison. She wants to make it right now. She wants to move on, but she has to know you’ll heal.
Mandi was stuck in that storm from his dream, wanting to make her own amends so she could move on. She’d watched him spiral out of control to the point where he’d hurt his friends. She’d seen his faithfulness to their mating even though he hadn’t intended for her to. And she’d sent him Josie.