“What happened to Mandi…” He swallowed, waiting to feel the furious panic he normally felt from speaking her name, but it didn’t come. “I can never let it happen again. Do you understand? I cannot—will not—take any chances with you.”
Josie’s brow furrowed and her voice shook. “Do you really believe you can’t be faithful? Are you that steeped in the traditions of ancient cats that you can’t see your own way? Because others see it. Renner does, and Eagan. Mandi. She’s not even on this plane and she sees it.”
“Don’t…” Magic warned.
“No, you don’t. Ten years ago, she put her cougar in me. It’s been lying dormant all this time. It would have remained that way if you and I hadn’t bonded. But we did. You fell for me on your own, and I fell for you. The cat is just completing what we started, giving you, us, a fresh chance. Call it magic or fate or a goddamn Thanksgiving miracle, because I don’t know how the hell it’s possible. Mandi found a way to make her mistake right. If you don’t want to accept it…” She shook her head, her red-rimmed eyes going wet once more. “… then that’s on you.”
Magic stared at her for so long, wishing things were different. Wishing he was a different man. One not bound by rules and history and… fear. God, the fear was like a chain around his neck, yanking him back every time he got too close to giving in.
He stood, focusing on the floor to gather his courage. “I need to go. And I think… I think you should leave the lodge. If you’re not feeling okay to drive, I can have Owyn take you and Gash can drive your car.”
She turned her face away, finding something of interest on the quilt that covered her legs. “You’re kicking me out. That’s your big plan? To avoid me?”
He didn’t miss the pain in her voice even though she did her best to cover it. His poor, sweet mate. She had everyone fooled with her tough outer shell, but not him. Not anymore. He wanted to say fuck it all, and pull her into his arms, and just try. He wanted to try with her.
But one day, she’d thank him for this.
“Yes.”
She picked at an invisible thread.
“It’s a dumb plan,” she muttered. “My friends live here. I come around a lot.”
“I’d never keep you from them. Warn me when you’re coming and I’ll stay away.”
“Warn you. Like I’m a disease or a prescription drug with side effects.” A sad laugh fell from her lips. “Yeah, I’ll be sure to do that. Sir.”
Silence took up the space between them, making her feel suddenly a million miles away.
“Just go,” she said, softly. “Go.”
Magic shuffled to the connecting door on weak legs. Maybe it was time to make things right with his panther. Run the forest like the others did, and just… listen.
He turned back for one last look. Her dark locks fell like a curtain shielding her face.
“I’m sorry,” he breathed.
And then walked away.
***
Josie’s alarm blared from her phone. Three short beeps that repeated over and over until she got her ass up to turn it off. It sounded sonic boom loud to her new feline ears. And the headache that had sprung up from hours of crying didn’t like the sound either.
She hissed, and then threw her head back on the pillow, letting her new reality sink in.
She’d slept the entire day and night through. People had come to check on her but she’d turned them all away. She was giving herself until the morning to be sad. To recover. To cry.
Josie scowled at the ceiling.
She’d cried over Magic. That bastard. How could she feel so much for him? And he had feelings for her too. She could sense them through that damn mating bond. Not that the bond meant anything to him if his plan was to just quit.
If there was one thing she’d learned from Beth, it was that you could only drag a person out of their own shit for so long. After a while, they had to want to leave the hole themselves. All she could do was wait until he was ready, and hope it was sooner rather than later.
Josie sighed. She’d failed to help Magic. For now. But she could still do what she came here to do.
Help Beth and Renner.
She could love Magic from afar while she helped give them a baby. Then she’d go away like he wanted. Maybe they could even put her in one of the cabins for the nine months of pregnancy. That way the two of them wouldn’t run into each other much. The idea left her feeling empty inside, but the thought of holing up in her own place, binging on ice cream by the fireplace helped.
A little.
Her nose tingled, warning her tears were coming.
“Enough,” she growled, throwing the covers off.