Only Her (A K2 Team Novel)(78)

His eyes finally focused on her. “I had the nightmare, but it didn’t stop like always before.” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. “I-I remember everything.”

“Will you tell me?”

When he brushed his fingers across his cheeks, he seemed surprised when they came away wet. He frowned as he stared at his fingertips. She hoped his tears didn’t embarrass him. As far as she was concerned, when you cared for someone you should be able to cry in front of them without fearing they would think less of you.

Thinking he might feel more comfortable talking to her if she wasn’t looking at him, she stretched out alongside him with her back to his stomach. He put an arm around her, and she laced her fingers through his.

“I screwed up something awful, and it cost a girl her life,” he finally said after a few minutes of silence.

She brought his hand to her mouth and kissed it. “Tell me about it.” If he blamed himself for the death of an innocent girl, no wonder he hadn’t wanted to remember. But she knew him, and he would never have purposely put someone in danger. As she listened to his story, tears stained her own cheeks. No, he hadn’t intentionally set out to put the girl in danger, but he’d not followed the rules, and the results had been tragic. Would he ever be able to forgive himself? If not, the guilt would eat him alive.

“She was gutted like an animal,” he rasped.

He pulled away, getting out of bed, and she turned over, watching him get dressed. “Are you leaving?” Riley glanced at the clock to see it was five in the morning.

“Yeah, I need some time alone,” he said, not looking at her.

The last thing she thought he needed was to be alone, but she sensed that if she argued the point, he would shut down. Although he already had. “You’re still going to the air show, aren’t you?”

He sat in the chair, his gaze on the shoes he was putting on. “No. I’m going to call Tom, see if he can meet with me this afternoon.”

“That’s probably a good idea.” She bit down on her bottom lip, willing her tears to go away. He was closing down on her. It wasn’t fair. She’d only just found him, and now it felt as if she was losing him.

“But you still should go. I’ll call Jake. Ask him and Maria to pick you up.” He walked to the bedroom door and paused, but didn’t turn. “Set the alarm after I’m gone.”

“Okay.” She didn’t really want to go anymore, but if she tried to speak, she would start crying. Her heart hurt, as if it had shattered into tiny pieces, for him and for her. Please stay and let me hold you, she wanted to say.

“I probably won’t be back later, but I’ll ask Kincaid to send someone over.” He left without looking back, Sally and Pretty Girl trotting out behind him, and maybe it was her imagination, but all three of them, man and dogs, appeared dejected, their shoulders slumped.

She got out of bed, slipped on a robe, and went to the alarm box. Alarm reset, she curled up on the sofa, unable to hold her tears in any longer. She tried to convince herself that he really did just need a little time alone to think things through, but her heart wasn’t buying it. There was finality in his voice, that of a wounded animal, off to lick his wounds, possibly never to be seen again. To heal, he needed his pack, and that was her and his teammates. Yet, a voice whispered in her ear that he’d already shut her out of his life.

Arthur jumped up and nudged his face against hers. “I know he’s hurting, but so am I,” she whispered to Arthur. Merlin sat on the back of the sofa, staring down at her. “You’re worried, too,” she said, and he blinked as if in answer. Pelli should be with them, and thinking of him caused fresh tears.

When she’d finally cried herself out, she rose, and started a pot of coffee. While it was brewing, she showered and washed her hair. Not really caring what she wore to the air show, she slipped on a pair of comfy jeans, a long-sleeved T-shirt, and brown cowboy boots. After two cups of coffee and a bowl of oatmeal, she felt a little better.

She walked to the window and lifted a blind. The sun was coming up, and it was light enough to see Cody sitting on his steps, his arms dangling between his knees as he stared at the ground. His defeated posture tugged at her. Pretty Girl and Sally sat at his feet, gazing up at him. The whole scene was one of the saddest things she’d ever seen, and even as much as he was hurting, she knew he was keeping an eye on her until Jake and Maria came by to pick her up.

She dropped the blind back in place. Yes, he was hurting, but he’d hurt her by leaving the way he had. Did she mean nothing to him after all? Afraid of the answer, she turned her attention to how to find Pelli. She was tired of waiting for her crackpot stalker to make the next move. Opening up her laptop, she accessed the file for Mr. Ziegler, the owner of the dog her clinic had mistakenly sent to be cremated. Phone in hand, she started to call the number, but paused. What would she say if someone answered? Or should she just hang up if they did? Deciding she’d apologize for calling the wrong number, she finished the call. It rang six times, then a recording picked up.