Only Her (A K2 Team Novel)(53)

And there it was right off the bat. The million-dollar question. “I was given an ultimatum by my boss. Get help or lose my job.”

“I’ve known Kincaid for a few years now. I imagine he’s a good man to work for.”

“He is.” For a while they talked about the similarities and differences between serving in Iraq, where Tom had been a medic, and Afghanistan, where Cody had been deployed.

“Why do you need help, Cody?”

The man was a trickster all right. He’d lulled Cody into relaxing before springing the question. He took a deep breath. “I keep having this nightmare, the same one over and over. Last week, on an operation, I had a flashback. Now I’m grounded until I figure things out.”

“I see. That unfortunately happens to too many of our military men and women who’ve served in a war zone. It’s not a weakness, and it doesn’t mean you’re crazy. Just that you’re human. In your case, with the recurring nightmare, I’d guess something happened that you’re suppressing.”

“So what do I do about it?”

The doc smiled. “Exactly what you’re doing by agreeing to see me. The reason I’m good for you is that I’ve been where you are. I served, I saw things I’ll never unsee, and I understand where you’re coming from.”

“Did you suffer from PTSD?” For some reason Cody wanted the doctor to say yes. Not that he’d wish what he was going through on anyone else, but how was the man supposed to understand if he’d never experienced the night sweats, the feeling that he was losing his mind, and at his lowest moments, never considered biting a bullet?

“I did, and I was stupid about it for too long. I came too damn close to swallowing a bottle of pills. I was a doctor, not yet a psychiatrist, but still thought I could heal myself. It was Kincaid who made me see the light. The man’s persistent if nothing else, and he practically dragged my ass to treatment. When I was thinking straight again, I knew I wanted to help others like me, so I went back to school and got my degree.”

If Tom Bledsoe could get better, why couldn’t he? “Tell me what I need to do.”

“This first appointment is two hours. That gives us a chance to talk and go over how the treatment works. After this, you’ll come see me twice a week for one hour. There are a few choices, but I’ve found that CPT works best. That’s Cognitive Processing Therapy. Trauma has a way of causing us to struggle with our memories of an event, sometimes the result being that we’re unable to make sense of something that happened. I’ve not yet delved into your nightmares and what you remember, we’ll do that at your next appointment.”

Now that he was committed to doing this, Cody was disappointed that they weren’t going to jump right in. “How long does this all take?”

“That depends on you. How open you are to the treatment, how hard you work at it. I’ll be giving you some tools to help you handle depression and learn how to become aware of your thoughts and how to change them. We’ll get to the bottom of your nightmare, figure out how much of it is real, and how much of it isn’t. Individuals returning from a battle zone often blame themselves for things that were beyond their control, especially if someone died. You were a sniper, and that’s right up there for messing with your mind.”

Cody didn’t think that was his problem. “I never lost sleep over killing an insurgent. My worry was more that one of our guys would get hurt or worse because of me. You know, that I didn’t kill the bad guy first.”

“And that was your job and an honorable one. Don’t ever let anyone tell you different.”

“Not even my parents?” Why had he brought that up? He’d long ago accepted he would never have their approval for what he did.

Tom eyed him with interest. “Not even them. That’s always easier said than done, though, and we’ll talk about your relationship with them.”

“I’m good there.” He was here to get to the bottom of his nightmare, not to discuss the relationship with the professors. “They’re entitled to their opinion.”

“They are, even when it’s a wrong one. My concern, Cody, is how much their lack of approval affects you.”

“I don’t need their—”

“But we won’t get into that today. The first thing I want you to do is to write down your nightmare and bring it with you to your next appointment. Do it right after it occurs so you remember every detail. Also, write out the flashback you had as much as you remember. What led up to it, what you heard, smelled, saw, thought. That’s your homework for this week.”