They took a booth in the far corner, and without looking at the menu Cody ordered scrambled eggs, toast, and a glass of milk. His stomach wasn’t feeling so well, and he hoped he could keep the bland meal down.
“You call Kincaid?” he asked after the waitress left.
Ryan leaned back against the booth with one arm stretched across the top. “No. Texted him. Told him we’d be back in the morning.”
That surprised Cody. His friend should have called the boss, giving him an update on the operation and Cody’s screwup. The waitress returned with Cody’s milk and a cup of coffee for Ryan.
“I never told you what went down with my wife.”
“You mean besides the robbery?” Ryan’s wife had been killed when a druggie had shot her after burglarizing her jewelry shop. Where he was going with this, Cody hadn’t a clue.
“Yeah, besides the robbery.” He put his elbows on the table and clasped his hands, reminding Cody of someone praying. “She was two months pregnant when she was killed. Do the math.”
Cody blinked. They’d been deployed for six or seven months when Ryan had been notified that she was dead. “Fuck, man. You’re kidding, right?”
“I wish. The thing is, every one of us on the team has been screwed up in one way or the other. From what I understand, Kincaid couldn’t get past the guilt of losing Evan on his watch. Jake lost a man on a K2 operation and went off the deep end for a time. Jamie blamed himself for his parents’ deaths, which messed with his mind for years.”
“How do you know all this?”
“I just pick up on things here and there mostly. As for me, I spent a year trying to deal with the fact that my wife cheated on me. My point is, you’re not the only one on the team who’s walked ass deep through shit. We’ve all been there. You need to trust that not only do we understand better than most, but we’ll always have your six. You’ll always be our brother. Now tell me about these nightmares you’re having.”
The reassurance that his team would have his back was fractionally calming, but his craving for a bottle of scotch and a dark room hadn’t abated. Problem was, if he started down that road, he might never come back.
Their meal arrived, and Cody tried not to gag at the greasy smell coming from Ryan’s burger. Man, his stomach was messed up. He forced a bite of eggs down his throat, following it up with a long drink of milk.
He ate one slice of toast before setting down his fork. No way he could eat and talk about his nightmare at the same time. “So, that dream I keep having. It’s always the same. I think what happened in the cabin was triggered by hearing the guns going off at the same time the kid put the knife to Megan’s throat. It was like I was back there again.”
“I’m guessing those were the deer hunters we were warned about. Go on.”
“I’m . . . I’m about to go up on a roof with my spotter when this young girl calls to me. I know her because she’s given me intel previously. I tell my spotter to go on up to the rooftop, and then cross the alley and follow her into the house, thinking she’s got some new info. It’s not until then that I see she’s hurt. Then I sense someone behind me. That’s it. That’s where I wake up drenched in sweat every fucking time.”
Ryan pushed his empty plate to the end of the table. “And the flashback was the same as that?”
Cody slid his half-empty plate aside. “Yeah, I saw her clear as day. It wasn’t Megan in that room, it was Asra. I swear I don’t know anyone named Asra.”
“You know this happened for real, right?”
“If so, you’d think I’d remember.”
Ryan nodded when the waitress appeared to fill his coffee cup. Alone again, he said, “You were with a new team, but I heard they found you facedown on the street, out cold. A concussion can cause memory loss, especially if you saw something you don’t want to remember.” He poured a dab of cream into his refreshed coffee. “You have to tell the boss all this.” His gaze lifted to Cody’s, sympathy in his eyes. “If you don’t, I’ll have to.”
“I’ll tell him.” And he would, but if he didn’t get out of the diner right now, he was going to lose it. How long could he go on denying to himself that Asra was real? He didn’t want her to be, because if so, that meant she’d been killed because of him. He slid out of the booth and walked out, sucking in the ice-cold air like a drowning man.
Riley missed her guitar guy. Tomorrow night she had a date with Mike, and she regretted agreeing to go out with him. Well, the side of her that got all hot and bothered by her bad boy neighbor did. The other side, the one lecturing her on finding a nice guy, hadn’t shut up about doing the smart thing and swearing off a man who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Or so he claimed.