“I don’t know what happened in there.” His greatest wish was to be able to dig a hole and disappear from sight.
“I think you do.”
The words were said so softly that Cody wasn’t sure he could bear it. A team that ate, slept, and fought side by side bonded together tighter than glue on glue, and although they never said the words, they loved each other. They were often closer than blood brothers, and he owed Ryan an explanation. As much as Cody wanted to get up and walk away, it was time to own his problem, whatever that might be. He still wasn’t sure.
“That was the first flashback . . . if that’s what it was, but I’ve been having nightmares about a girl back in Afghanistan. I don’t recognize her. Don’t have a clue who she is. She just keeps showing up in my dreams.” Elbows on his knees, he stared down at his hands where they dangled between his legs. “Pretty fucked up, right?”
Ryan reached down and retied the laces on one of his boots. “Is it the same dream all the time?”
The door to the cabin opened, and Justin poked his head out. “Hey, man, we leaving or what?”
“Yeah, we’re leaving,” Ryan said, standing. “Give us a minute.” When the kid closed the door, Ryan squatted and put his hand on Cody’s knee. “We need to talk, but let’s get these two taken care of. Justin’s agreed to let us drive him to the police station where he’ll turn himself in. Megan used my phone to call her parents, and they’re coming to get her. We’re to meet them at the Des Moines airport in a few hours.”
Cody stared at the hand on his knee, willing away the tears stinging his eyes. He hadn’t cried since the day Evan Prescott, one of their SEAL team members, had been killed on an operation, and he’d be damned if he’d cry now. But, fuck, with his touch, Ryan was telling him that he had Cody’s six, whether he deserved it or not.
“Let’s get this over with.” He pushed himself up. “You need help with the kids?”
“Nah. Truth is, they’re scared of you. Why don’t you go on to the car and we’ll be right behind you.” Ryan tossed him the keys.
That hurt, but he had it coming. Not that he wanted to stick around and have the couple stare at him like he was the big bad bogeyman, so he gladly headed to the Range Rover. When he reached the vehicle, he slid into the driver’s seat, started the ignition, and turned on the heater to warm up the interior. He figured it was better if he drove. That way, he could ignore everyone and they could ignore him.
He scrubbed at his face. What the hell was wrong with him? The dream had haunted him for months now, but he had no memory of meeting a young woman named Asra. Inside that cabin, though, when Justin put the knife to Megan’s throat, Cody had been transported back to a dusty room in Afghanistan and had seen Asra’s face clear as day.
There was no way he could hide this from Kincaid. If he didn’t tell the boss, Ryan would, and rightly so. He didn’t want to believe it had been a flashback, but what else could it have been? And why couldn’t he remember?
The front passenger door opened and Justin slid in, giving him a wary glance before putting on his seatbelt. Ryan got in the back with the girl so that the couple wasn’t sitting behind him and Ryan where they could get up to no good.
“Glad that’s over,” Ryan said as they watched Megan hugging her parents.
“Yeah, me, too.” Justin’s parents were on their way to bail him out of jail. The charges against him were going to be tough for the kid to beat, but Cody hoped he’d been scared straight. As they walked out of the Des Moines airport, he tried to get a handle on the bugs crawling under his skin. Ryan had decided they’d spend the night here, have dinner and a long talk. It was the last thing Cody wanted to do.
“Anything particular you want to eat?”
“No.” He wasn’t even sure he could eat. His head felt like spiders had woven thick webs around his brain, keeping him from being able to think straight. His legs and feet were a hundred pounds heavier, making it hard to put one step in front of the other. His heart had shriveled to the size of a prune. And he was tired, so damn tired.
It was getting harder to deny that something had occurred on his last deployment that he couldn’t remember. Ryan probably expected him to try to explain away what had happened in that cabin today, but he wasn’t going to do that. It was time to man up and admit something was wrong, letting the chips fall where they may.
They ended up at a diner near the hotel where they’d made a brief stop to book rooms. There hadn’t been many cars in the parking lot, and Cody guessed that was why his teammate had chosen it. Easier to talk with no one around. Another reason might be that there was no alcohol available, which Cody would almost kill for.