I have no idea who this girl is. I have no idea what I’m going to do about it. I don’t know if I want to kick JD’s ass and lock that girl up in my own bedroom, or kick them both out and pretend my whole world isn’t about to flip upside down.
I sit there for a long time, just staring at the photos. I wait for JD to come back so we can work this out, but he never does. I wait for my feelings for this girl to manifest so I can come to terms, but they don’t. So eventually I go into the kitchen and make a sandwich, then eat it sitting on the couch staring at the TV.
Finally I have to accept the obvious.
They don’t need me to understand each other’s anguish. They don’t need me to fuck away the sadness. They don’t need me to give them permission to abuse themselves with pain.
Because they have each other.
And I have no one.
Eventually I make my way into my bedroom, slip out of my clothes, and fall into bed alone.
But sleep eludes me. Questions run through my mind for hours. Questions and regrets. Anger at being discarded. Frustration at being confused.
I finally get up and make my way into the office to grab my camera, and then I walk down the hallway to JD’s room. The door is unlocked and partly ajar. So unlike him before this girl came. The bedside light is still on, flooding them both in a hazy light. Blue is uncovered from the chest up and JD has kicked off all the covers. His leg is tossed over her thigh in a possessive gesture that makes me jealous. And her hand rests on his leg, just over his hip.
He’s hard for her, even in his sleep.
I adjust the shutter time for the low light and begin shooting.
JD stirs with the clicking of the camera, and then his eyes open.
I wasn’t sure how he’d react, but I was not counting on that grin. “About time you came to your senses, asshole.” And then he turns over and hugs her close. Too close, because she whimpers in her sleep when he touches her wounds.
But then, like it’s already second nature, he slips his hand under the covers and begins to play with her. The whimpers take on a new tone. One of pleasure.
“Put that fucking camera down and just get in bed, Ark. You know you want to.”
He lifts the cover up, revealing the fact that he’s got two fingers inside her.
There’s no way I’m putting this camera down.
“You always like to watch,” JD says, matter-of-factly. “Never want to participate. Just observe and record. But listen to me, brother.” JD stops what he’s doing to Blue and looks straight in my camera. “You’re gonna lose her if you don’t give in.”
“Give in to what?”
“Us. The three of us, Ark. This is how it’s meant to be. You knew it the minute we found her.”
“I found her.”
“We found her, asshole. A one-second headstart does not give you the right to call her yours. Because she’s ours, Ark. So you have two choices. Get in bed and be a part of it. Or take that camera and get the fuck out of our room.”
“You’d choose her over me, just like that?”
“I’m inviting you in. If you say no, don’t blame your loss on me.”
“What if I don’t want to share her? What if I want her all to myself?”
He shrugs. “Too late. She’s ours. She wants to be ours. She wants you and me. Deal with it or don’t. But it’s not going to change.”
“I don’t want to sleep with you, JD.”
“Yeah?” he laughs. “Well, since you’re standing in my room naked, with a hard-on, and holding a camera taking dirty pictures of Blue and me, I’m gonna have to call you a liar.”
“I want her, not you.” I snap a picture of him as he kisses Blue on the head and she snuggles into his chest.
“Just get in the bed, asshole. I’m tired.” And then he turns out the light.
I walk out the door and go back to my room. My dick is so fucking hard as I lie back down in my own bed.
Fuck that.
I’m not having a ménage relationship with my best friend and this girl.
Fuck. That.
“Blue,” JD whispers in my ear.
“Hmmm,” I say, relaxed, naked, and enjoying the way he twists my nipple as he kisses my neck. I reach for his dick and get a fistful of denim. “You’re dressed already?” Is it even light outside? I open my eyes. It’s not.
“I gotta go. I’ll be back tonight.” And then, before I can gather my senses, he’s gone.
The coldness of being alone washes over me immediately. I swing my feet out of the bed just as the front door closes. And even though I run my fastest, my feet slapping on the hard concrete floor, when I open the door to see if he’s waiting for the elevator, I get more emptiness.