I don’t need to ask what he’s talking about. The dull ache in my stomach tells me exactly what he means. ‘Why?’
‘I’m emotionally unavailable, Livy.’ He reaches up to cup my cheek, his thumb stroking smooth circles on my temple. ‘But I have to have you.’
‘You want me for one night and nothing else?’ I ask, the ache transforming into a dull pain now. Just one night? It’s obscene for me to be thinking further than that, though. The best fuck of my life. That’s what he said. Nothing more.
‘One night,’ he affirms. ‘And I’m praying that you’ll give it to me.’
I’m lost in his blues, desperately hoping he’ll say something else – something that’ll make me feel better, because right now I’m feeling cheated, which is ridiculous. I hardly know him, but the thought of only being permitted one night with this man is soul-destroying.
‘I don’t think I can.’ My eyes fall, as does my heart. ‘It’s not fair for you to ask that of me.’
‘I’ve never claimed to be fair, Livy.’ He clasps my chin and brings my face up to his. ‘I’ve seen something and I want it. I usually take what I want, but I’m giving you a choice.’
‘What’s in it for me?’ I ask. ‘What will I get out of this?’
‘You get to be worshipped by me for twenty-four hours.’ His lips part and his tongue sweeps across his full bottom lip, like he’s attempting to make me see what those twenty-four hours may be like. He’s wasting energy. I have a very good idea what those twenty-four hours will be like.
‘You said you could only offer me one night.’
‘Twenty-four hours, Livy.’
I want to say yes, but my head starts shaking, my integrity taking over. If I’m going to get involved with a man, it can’t be like this. Every method I’ve adopted to protect myself from following in my mother’s footsteps will be quashed if I do this, and I can’t let myself down like that. ‘I’m sorry. I can’t.’ I shouldn’t be apologising for my decline of his unreasonable request, but I am sorry. I want to be worshipped by him, yet not enough to set myself up for certain devastation because that’s exactly what this will result in. I already feel like I’m in way above my head and he hasn’t even kissed me.
He visibly sags and shifts back, breaking all contact between us. I feel a little lost, which should strengthen my decision to decline his offer. One night will never be enough. ‘I’m disappointed,’ he sighs. ‘But I respect your decision.’
I’m disappointed that he respects my decision. I want him to fight harder, convince me to say yes. I’m not thinking straight. ‘I know nothing about you.’
He picks up his drink and takes a sip, drawing my eyes to his lips. ‘If you knew more, would you reconsider?’
‘I don’t know.’ I feel frustrated and annoyed – annoyed that he’s put me in this position. It should be an easy decision, declining a stranger on such a proposition, but the longer I spend with him, even if it’s bizarre and far-fetched, the more I want to retract my answer and take the twenty-four hours he’s offering.
‘Well, you know my name now.’ His lips are tipping a little, but it’s nowhere near a smile.
‘That’s all I know,’ I fire back. ‘I don’t know your surname, your age, your job.’
‘And you need to know all of that to spend the night with me?’ His dark eyebrows raise, his lips tipping further. If he would only smile properly, I’d feel like I know him more. But should I be increasing my fascination with him if it means I’ll only get more attached?
I don’t know, so I shrug non-committally and drop my head, my hair falling into my lap.
‘My name is Miller Hart,’ he starts, pulling my eyes back to his. ‘I’m twenty-nine—’
‘Stop!’ I hold my hand up, halting his flow. ‘Don’t tell me. I don’t need to know.’
He cocks his head, slightly amused, even if he’s still not demonstrating it with his mouth. ‘Don’t need to or don’t want to?’
‘Both,’ I spit shortly, feeling the rarity of anger simmering inside me again. He made me feel irritated before he suggested something so ridiculous, but now I’m really feeling it. I stand, prompting him to shift back on the table and gaze up at me. ‘Thank you for the offer, but the answer is no.’ I pick up my bag and phone and make for the door, getting no further than the end of the couch before I’m taken gently and pushed front forward to the wall, my bag dropping to the marble, my eyes clenching shut.