And her last night in Oklahoma, when she’d completely freaked out while waiting to hear from him? He’d been nothing but understanding and suggested strongly that she take the app off her phone.
She didn’t think it was possible for someone like him to really understand the bone-chilling terror of knowing someone they loved had willingly run into danger, and he didn’t need to know. He’d been running after storms since he was fourteen. Nothing she said was going to change him.
But that Topeka tornado had put up a wall between them. She hated that they didn’t talk every day. Hell, they barely spoke twice a week. They still texted, though, but it wasn’t the same.
She missed him like crazy.
Four months was a long run when she considered the two of them were as different as black and white. The way they’d met. That damn apartment. Her foolish heart.
Truth was, she needed to step off this speeding train wreck. Let it go. Let him go. God, she was trying, but first, she had to stop thinking about him so much. Everything reminded her of Rick.
“Ms. Delaney?”
“Yes.” She turned to find one of the ninth graders—Toni—putting her empty box into one of the bins.
“Are we going to have time to go to the shop in the museum? They have these really cute earrings.”
“No, sorry, Toni. No shopping today.”
“But—”
Jenna’s phone rang. She saw who it was and her pulse quickened. “Can we talk about this in a few minutes?”
Toni nodded, but she wasn’t happy.
Jenna did a quick check of her student charges, all accounted for, and then answered. “Hi.”
“Hey,” Rick said, just as his invitation to join him on FaceTime came through.
She couldn’t swallow. This was a first since spring break. She pressed Yes, of course, making sure no one was too close as she sat on the far end of the gazebo.
“What’s going on?” she asked, noting he looked tired. No wonder. He was probably eating terribly, not getting enough sleep. Although she had no room to call the kettle black.
“I was hoping you’d be home tonight.”
Using every lesson she’d learned when facing irrational, horrible parents, she let her expression remain neutral. Let her smile look real. “What’s up?”
“Just watching The Godfather on Cinemax. No commercials. I thought we could watch it. Together.”
They’d done that once before with The Cabin in the Woods, right after Chicago. It had been a ball. She almost told him yes before she remembered. “Oh, no. I won’t be home tonight. I’ve got this dinner thing.”
His expression changed, and she understood right away what he was thinking. She could admit she had plans with Ally, but that wouldn’t help her step back. Step away.
“Anyone I know?”
“A friend of a friend. So, I noticed you have a window of downtime before that arctic front comes down.”
“Listen to you,” he said. “I never imagined you being a weather junkie.”
“Believe me. I didn’t, either.”
His pause was heavy, and even though she wanted to fill the space with chatter, she didn’t. “Anyway,” he said finally, and she could tell he was trying to sound chipper and failing badly. “I’ll call you another time.”
“That’d be great.” She smiled at him, and that was when she had to hold back a sob, blink back tears. Stop herself from telling him she was more confused than she’d ever been in her whole life. How much she missed him.
Of course, he’d already disconnected. She wanted to call him right back—
“Ms. Delaney?”
Sitting up straight, Jenna tried to look normal. “I’m sorry, Toni, but we don’t have time to shop. We have the tour in a few minutes.”
“Yeah, I wasn’t... I was just looking for Shoshanna. Did she go to the bathroom?”
Jenna had no idea. She’d been so focused on her own problems she hadn’t looked up once. “Did you ask Mrs. Wagner?”
“She told me to ask you.”
Oh, God, that was right. Sylvia had run to the office. She’d left Jenna in charge.
Jenna stood and glanced around. “Did you check the bathroom?”
“No, but I can.”
“Wait. I’ll go. Stay with Mrs. Wagner and the rest of the group.” Jenna felt sick. She just might end up needing the bathroom herself.
If Shoshanna, one of the most clever of the anarchists, had disappeared, it was all Jenna’s fault. And God only knew where the girl was. Last time she’d pulled a stunt like this, she was caught smoking with a tattooed biker.
A hot fist twisted inside her chest. Jenna could hardly take a breath. Shoshanna could be hurt, could have run off with a stranger and put herself in terrible danger. It wasn’t likely, but if she had, it would be Jenna’s fault.
What was the matter with her? She’d never done anything like this before. Never shirked her duty, never let her students out of her sight. And for what? To feel this horror every time he went out after a storm?
Damn it, why had she let things go so far? She’d been delusional. From day two, she’d known Rick was not for her. He blew wherever the wind would take him. Literally. And what, was she supposed to pretend he wasn’t risking his life? That she would never know if he’d come home at all?
No.
Thankfully, she spotted Shoshanna coming from the museum. Jenna could breathe again. Think more clearly. Yes, Rick had been slowly pulling away. He’d probably seen this thing between them had gone too far. It didn’t matter that he’d woken up first. Now it was her turn to let go.
* * *
RICK TORE THE tape off the box in one furious pull, then rolled it into a ball and threw it at the goddamn television set. The Godfather was one of his favorite films, and right now, he couldn’t bear it. He found the remote and shut it off, not even tempted to turn on The Weather Channel. This whole night could have been great, but no, Jenna was out with a “friend of a friend.” He’d have to be a moron to mistake that for anything but a date.
He’d already unpacked everything in his bedroom. His drawers were full, so was the closet. The kettlebells were back in the spare room, where they belonged.
Now he was working his way through the living room. He had one pile going for donations, one pile for trash and the rest had to be put away before he went to bed. Or, at this rate, before he went to bed tomorrow night.
The box he’d just stripped open was full of bathroom things, and the moment he saw the gift-wrapped boxes inside, his heart sank.
Goddamn it.
Hermès body wash. Guerlain body milk. Bond No. 9 shower gel.
He’d ordered those before they’d left the smart apartment. And he’d forgotten all about them. It had been so busy—
Bullshit. He didn’t slow down because that was what he did. Worked. Thought about work. Worked some more. Never slowing down. Just pushing, racing, chasing the rush.
She would have been so jazzed to see that body milk in his shower. But he hadn’t slowed down. No, that wasn’t quite true. He’d been calm with Jenna. Patient. Not something that happened very often. Yet he still hadn’t remembered the gifts he’d bought her even as he’d made her feel bad for doing the same thing.
He’d bought them because she’d loved them. And he wanted her to remember that time they had together. He’d had them wrapped because he’d wanted to see the look on her face when she opened them.
She deserved so much more.
The rest of the stuff in the box was all junk. Half-finished shampoo, bar soaps he’d never opened, a cologne that he’d liked, but rarely used. The only things he gave a damn about were the things that made him think of Jenna. He put those on the coffee table, and then took the box out to the big Dumpsters near the garage. It made a satisfying crash when it landed.
Before he got all the way inside, the doorbell rang. He wasn’t expecting anyone.
Antwan was on his doorstep, a six pack of Killian’s Irish Red in hand. “Are you going to let me in anytime soon?”
Rick stepped back. “So you couldn’t be bothered to help me pack, but now you want to help unpack?”
“No, not here to work. Jesus, man, you’ve got two and a half months left on your lease, and now you’re unpacking?”
“Yeah, well, I’m trying to— You know what? I don’t have to explain myself to you. Is that beer cold, or do you want one from the fridge?”
“Colder the better.” Antwan handed him the six-pack. “And you’d better start explaining yourself to me. You’ve been an asshole for days. You left early because of what Walt said, and you never give a damn about anything that bagga mouth has to say. I know it’s because of Jenna, and I’m betting you’ve done something stupid.”
“Stupid?” He popped the top on Antwan’s beer and put it on the counter. “I’m not. I’m doing the right thing for once. It just sucks, that’s all.”
“Explain to me what the right thing is.”
“Letting her get on with her life. The life she deserves with someone who isn’t me.”
“You do know she likes you, yes? A lot?”
“That’s not good enough. I told you who she wants. A suit. Who works five days a week, and isn’t called in the middle of the night to go chasing tornadoes. And I’m still pissed as hell that you told her about that weather-scan app. She didn’t need to know it existed.”