“You’re already married,” she said. “Ahead of the game.”
She was joking, but I didn’t laugh. My chest tightened, and I had no idea if I could speak the words.
“How can I do this?” I whispered. “How can I have this baby myself, raise him, live with him, be an actual father to him? What about Bast? Doesn’t he deserve the same?”
Mom took my hand. “Are you going to forget about Bast?”
“No.”
“Will you ever turn your back on him?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Then I’m going to tell you a secret, Lachlan. Something you might not realize yet.” Mom smiled, gentle and honest. “There is enough love in your heart for Sebastian, for this baby, for Elle, and for any other children you may sire…which might one day become an exponential number.”
“I’ll try to keep the count to one hand.”
“It’s not possible for you to run out of love for this family. The single hardest lesson for any parent isn’t selflessness—it’s sacrifice. It’s giving more of yourself than you think is possible…and putting your child’s needs first when you can’t do enough. Because of you, Bast has a great life, a wonderful home, and a bright future. That’s what it means to be a father, and you’ll be a great one…for both of your children.”
She offered me a cookie. I needed more than that. I glanced down the hall.
“Can I see him?” I asked.
“He’s sleeping.”
“Is it okay if I crash here?”
“You bought this house, Lachlan.”
“But it’s yours.”
Mom shook her head. “Fine. Then as long as it’s my house, you never have to ask to stay here.”
I knew better than to fight her, or to avoid the dozen kisses she layered on my face and cheeks. I apologized for keeping her up late before taking the steps upstairs.
Bast’s new room was larger than our old family room. I hadn’t come close to filling it with enough stuff—clothes, toys, posters of me on his wall.
He slept, somehow. The light from the doorway silhouetted either his head or his ass, I wasn’t sure how the hell he fell asleep twisted up, pillows astray. I kicked off my shoes and dropped my keys and phone on his desk. He didn’t appreciate me tucking him into the bed or grazing a hand on his cheek.
“Lachlan…” He was grumpy. “I’m sleeping.”
“Yeah, me too. Scooch your butt, Bast.”
His words slurred. “Sebastian...”
“Shut up. Get over here.” I curled an arm around him and snuggled him in close. That earned a kick in the knee as he shifted, but he didn’t mind the cuddle. “You make me think you hate your name.”
He shrugged. “It’s okay.”
“Want another one?”
“Can’t do that.”
“I’m your…” I swallowed. “I named you the first time. I can name you again if I want. Change it every week if you give me any lip.”
“Really?”
“Sure. I can call you Rachel or Diana. How about Mildred?” I hummed. “Maybe something fun—how’s Peanut Butter Reed sound?”
“I don’t wanna be a sandwich.” That woke him up. He turned to squint at me, confused. “You’re sleeping here?”
“Yeah.”
“But this is my bed.”
I poked him. “You sleep in my bed all the time, little man. Payback’s a bit—pain.”
“You’re weird.”
I grinned, kissing his head. “And you’re perfect…even if you get morning breath before midnight.”
He turned to breathe in my face. “Is it b-a-d?”
The little shit. “What’s Mom been feeding you? Garlic soup?”
“Stinky shoes.”
“Moldy pasta?”
“Skunk tails!”
“Some of her cooking tastes like that.”
Sebastian laughed. “But yours is the worst. At least Mom doesn’t catch on fire making sketti.”
I tickled him. “You’re right. Maybe I should take you to your favorite restaurant tomorrow?”
He got excited. “McDonalds?”
“You’re a cheaper date than Elle.” I tugged him closer. “Can I tell you a secret, little man?”
“Yeah?”
“I love ya.”
He groaned.
“What?” I tickled him again. “That’s supposed to be a compliment.”
“I know you love me. That’s not a secret. I thought it was something good.”
“It is something good. Don’t you love me too?”
“Yeah. I love you, Lachlan.”
He’d never know what a blessing it was to hear that until he had a boy of his own. Someone to watch over. Someone he’d work every day to impress, help, and protect.