Once Upon A Half-Time 1(87)
“I wasn’t implicating you in this,” I said. “When they said they wanted me to take some pictures—”
He rocketed off the couch. “You didn’t!”
“Lachlan—”
“Fuck, that’s why you went to Atwood?”
I looked away before his disappointed, bewildered, saddened stare burned into my memory. The baby didn’t leave a lot of room for guilt in my belly, and I wasn’t about to throw up any more regrets.
I switched the SD cards. “I gave them some of the pictures today. Then they fired me.”
“Jesus.”
“But I didn’t give them all the images.” It was the last bit of hope I had. “I kept the ones that showed the bulk of the plays the Monarchs will run on Sunday.”
I ejected the card only to place it in his palm. He refused to look at it.
“Why are you giving me this?” he asked.
I lowered my gaze. “Those are the pictures of the defense. Every blitz they’ll try to run. Every formation they’ve created.”
“Why are you giving me this?”
“I want you to have it.”
“Why!”
“Because they’re going to cut you, Lachlan! You have to show them that you’ve improved. You can’t afford a bad opening season game. If you play well on Sunday, another team will pick you up. You’ll get another chance. Another home somewhere.”
Lachlan pitched the card away. His words struck me, hard.
“I don’t want another home. I want this one.”
“You don’t have a choice. You aren’t playing well.”
“What the fuck do you know about how I’m playing?”
He wouldn’t want to hear it, but I didn’t let him walk away from me. “Because I can see it. I’m there every day at practice too.”
“You have no idea what you see.”
“I know when you’re struggling.”
“You think I can’t handle it?”
“I think you need help, and you aren’t asking for it.”
“And this will help?”
I hadn’t wanted to fight. “That’s not what I’m saying…”
“You’ve given up on me.”
“Never.”
“You think I fucked up.” His words spit with an anger I didn’t recognize. Something vile and dark that would poison a man like Lachlan. “I don’t need your help. I never needed help. This is football. This is my life. This is what I was built for, the only thing I know how to do.”
“Which is why we need to fix this,” I said. “What if they cut you? What about Bast and your mom? Me and the baby?”
“Every fucking day I’m on that field, tearing myself apart, sacrificing my body. I do it all for you.” He shook his head. “And now you think the only way I can take care of my family is if I cheat.”
“No. That’s not it.” I reached for him, but he batted me away. “Listen to me. I know you will be an amazing player, but you can’t see past your pride. You have to ask the team for help.”
“I can’t have this conversation now. Not with you.”
He raged, inside and out. His steps thundered to the door. My heart went with him.
I couldn’t let him go like this. Not when he was so angry.
So hurt.
“Lachlan, please, let’s talk.”
It was the last thing he wanted to do. “You know…when my entire world started crumbling down, I thought I could come to you.” He dragged his gaze to mine, but the green was muted and dark. “But that was a mistake, wasn’t it? This whole relationship. It’s nothing but a fake marriage built on secrets.”
Not to me.
“Don’t you dare…” My words broke. “You have no idea what I’ve been going through.”
“You’re right. You didn’t trust me enough to tell me.”
“God, Lachlan, if you had any idea what I felt for you, you wouldn’t be looking at me that way.”
He shook his head. “What’s it matter? You don’t have any confidence in me. You don’t think I’ll survive in the league. And maybe I won’t. But I hoped you’d be there in case I…”
“In case what? If you failed?” I said the word he was unwilling to speak. “And what if you do? What then?”
“It doesn’t matter.” He retreated to the door.
“I’m not done talking.”
“Yeah, but I know everything you’re gonna say.”
“No. You’re only hearing what you want to hear.”
“I’m hearing exactly what I need to hear. You don’t think I can cut it, fine. Then what are we doing here? Why are we even doing this?”