“Why didn’t you feel you could talk to me the same way you are now? That would’ve saved us.”
“Damita, you are pretty damned close to perfect. How accepting do you think you would have been of my imperfections if you were aware of them before we got married?”
“I’m far from perfect,” Damita said.
“You’re pretty damn close,” Neal said, before getting up and going to bed.
• • •
In the middle of the night Damita got out of her bed and went to Neal’s. She pulled back the covers and got into bed with him. Neal woke up, surprised to find her there.
“Da—”
“Shhh,” Damita responded.
She put her fingers to his lips, silencing him. He responded to her presence immediately and Damita climbed on top of him. He shuddered the moment he felt her wrapped around him. She gazed into his eyes as her body continued to rise and fall. Within minutes he came and Damita lay on top of him feeling his heavy breathing slowly subside. When she tried to roll off the top of him, Neal held fast to her, unwilling to let her go.
The next morning neither Neal nor Damita seemed to want to discuss what had happened the night before. They both went about their routines before each of them was out the door and went their separate ways.
Damita called Carmella on her way to work. “I made a huge mistake.”
“You slept with him, didn’t you?”
“How on earth did you know that?”
“It makes perfect sense.”
Damita looked confused. “How do you figure?”
“Two people who, I assume, used to fuck like rabbits, are thrown together in an impossible situation with emotions running wild. It makes sense that you would end up sleeping together; especially you.”
Damita shook her head. “Why especially me? Is it because you think I’m a complete idiot?”
“No, it’s not. It’s because you have a heart of gold and you can’t stand to see another human being in pain. It’s always been your fatal flaw.”
“So, in other words, I need to become more of a bitch if I ever hope to survive?”
“That’s a difficult question to answer. On the one hand, I want to protect my best friend from harm and often think if you were more of a bitch that might do it. On the other hand, I would hate to see you lose the most beautiful part of what makes you uniquely Damita. So, what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel like a complete fool even saying this, but I felt something.”
Carmella laughed. “So I take it the sex was good?”
“Carmella! Get your mind out of the gutter! I meant I felt something emotionally. That’s why I slept with him. We were talking last night and it felt like the first time we’ve ever had real talk.”
“Are you considering staying with him?”
“No, or at least I don’t think so. My plans haven’t changed, but my feelings have. Does that make any sense at all?”
“Of course it makes sense. That’s why women have the babies. We’re hardwired to care. That’s what we do.”
If it was at all possible, Damita felt even more isolated than she had before. She didn’t feel comfortable talking to Wendy or her mother and even though Carmella hadn’t judged her the last time they talked, she knew the last thing Carmella wanted was for her to go back to Neal. In many ways she was judging herself. She felt like she would have to be a fool to even consider staying with a man that had abused her so terribly.
• • •
Neal was back at work and though he said his business was in trouble, his life had returned to normal. He was still going to meetings and was getting private counseling. Damita realized Neal was no longer in a fragile state and unless she was staying as his wife, it was now time for her to leave. She thought long and hard about her decision and decided getting a divorce was the only way for her to move on with her life. She decided she would wait until the end of the week before she discussed her decision with Neal.
The next day, before Damita got home, Neal found divorce papers Damita had drawn up. He was waiting as soon as she came through the door.
The look of rage on his face was unmistakable. “After everything, you didn’t think I deserved the courtesy of a warning. You sleep with me and then you divorce me. What kind of game are you playing? Do you even know what you’re doing?”
“Neal, I was going to talk to you at the end of the week. You and I have both been struggling at work. I thought it made sense for us to save it until the weekend.”
This time when he beat her she barely shed a tear. Outside it was raining. She watched the rain and shut herself off from the pain. She knew as long as she lived, she would get past this. She continued to watch the rain and it occurred to her that her life was very much like a rainy night. Tomorrow would be the dawning of a new day. With that new day would be the potential for the sun to shine through and for clouds to disappear. While he beat her, she watched the rain and thought of her beautiful, bright new day. When Neal was done, she limped off to bed, silently. Nothing more needed to be said.