On the Other Side(58)

Neal walked over to her and Damita jumped.

Neal’s face had a pained expression. “It’s so hard for me to see you do that. It’s my fault. I made you this way, but it’s still so hard to see you so afraid of me. To you, I’m a monster, when all I ever wanted to do was love you.”

Damita waited as Neal came toward her, trying not to react in fear. He knelt beside her and held her tightly around her waist, as they both cried.





CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE


Damita wanted to repay Neal for maintaining some sense of normalcy while she was there and for getting her from the hospital when he first learned of her attack, so she figured before she left to go to her mother’s place, she would fix him breakfast. After she was done in the kitchen, she went to get him from the guest bedroom, where he had been sleeping.

“Neal, I fixed breakfast,” she said.

She was surprised to see that he didn’t even stir in his sleep.

“Neal?”

She walked over to the bed and something didn’t seem quite right. She touched him and he didn’t move. She began shaking him and realized he wasn’t sleeping.

“Neal! Neal!”

He stirred a bit and she knew that he was at least still alive. She dialed 9-1-1.

At the hospital they were able to determine that he had overdosed due to a combination of cocaine, sleeping pills and alcohol, but he was alive. Damita sat in his room and waited until he was awake and able to speak.

Damita looked Neal directly in his eyes. “Did you do this on purpose?” she asked.

Neal seemed very surprised. “You’re still here?”

“Of course I’m here. You almost died. Thank God I was able to get you to the hospital in time. Otherwise, I don’t know what would have happened. Did you mean to do this or was it an accident?”

“I honestly don’t know.”

“How could you not know?”

“I don’t.”

Damita was able to get him into a rehab facility closer to home and hoped he would stay longer than he had the last time. When it was allowed she came to visit him and was even invited to sit in on one of the counseling sessions. She was no expert, but if the session was any indication, he actually seemed to be making progress. Eventually he had an opportunity to come home and continue treatment on an outpatient basis and Neal decided he would do that. Damita was waiting for him to take him home and he was glad to see her.

Neal smiled weakly. “I didn’t think you’d come,” he said.

“I told you I would. I always try to keep my word. I’m not going to start changing that now.”

“I’m glad you came.”

“Neal, I’m not making any promises, but I’m going to stay with you until you can at least get on your feet.”

“Thank you. That’s the most I can hope for.”

Neal seemed to be taking his recovery seriously and went to counseling sessions and Narcotics Anonymous meetings. Damita even went to a couple of meetings for family members of drug users. She was surprised to find that many of the family members at the meetings stories weren’t so different from her own. She didn’t realize how pervasive drug use was until she listened to some of the stories. Damita wasn’t ready to share her story and only attended to listen and hopefully to begin to understand. She began to realize that all the signs were there long before she married Neal; she had chosen to ignore them.

“Did you work late tonight?” Neal asked, when she got home.

“No, I went to a meeting.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’ve gone to a couple of them. I didn’t really tell anybody. I was just curious. I was surprised.”

“About what?”

“It was such a melting pot of people. Everyone was from so many different walks of life. I didn’t expect that. Neal, how did you get caught up in this? When we were dating you seemed so controlled, almost a nerd. How could this have happened? Every time I think about it, it doesn’t make sense.”

“It’s funny, most people have all these preconceived notions about those they consider successful. Before my parents died I had a plan for my life. That plan didn’t include becoming the CEO of my father’s architectural enterprise. I was young and I didn’t completely know what I wanted to do, but architecture wasn’t at the top of the list. But, I could never say that. I could never whine about my poor life because in everyone else’s eyes I was sitting on top of the world; money, success. Everyone thinks I have it all but no one ever stops to think about what it takes to keep it all. I feel like I haven’t had a moment in my life when I wasn’t under extreme pressure. I’m not making excuses for my behavior, but I finally understand. It’s no wonder I turned to drugs and alcohol. The cocaine started as a way to keep me up; the alcohol was the only way to bring me down. After you left, the sleeping pills helped me to get the sleep I couldn’t get. I’m no different than anyone else who takes the same path, rich or poor, young or old.”