On Second Thought(39)

Everything was going to be all right. Everything would go back to  normal. He'd have the ring. He'd apologize. Once I saw him and how sorry  he was, all the love would come flooding back and I'd forgive him. We'd  never gone so long without seeing each other, and just the thought of  being close to him again made my whole body thrum. I hadn't let myself  miss him yet, too consumed with anger and embarrassment. But God, I'd  missed him.

I checked my reflection in my computer screen, fluffed my hair a little  and pinched my cheeks, like Scarlett O'Hara. Eric! I was about to see  Eric at last. My knees tingled as I walked into the reception area.

It wasn't Eric.

It was his mother. My heart fell into my shoes.

"Honey," she said, rising, tears filling her eyes. "Can we talk?"

"Is Eric okay?" I asked.

"See, I knew you'd ask. I know you still care, I do, honey. Yes, he's  fine. Well, if you can call this grizzly bear fixation fine. Can we go  somewhere private? He's losing his mind!"

I ushered Judy into the conference room. Jonathan came in almost  immediately, as I knew he would. It was his magazine, after all, and he  had to monitor all activity, especially anything personal.

"Good morning," he said, leaning in the doorway. "I'm Jonathan Kent."

"Judy, this is my boss, Jonathan Kent. Jonathan, this is Judy Fisher.  Eric's mother. Did you meet at Eric's...um..." My voice trailed off.

"You were so wonderful to try to help poor Nathan," she said, holding  his hand with both of hers. "And of course, Eric loved having his blog  here. Oh, dear, this is such a mess."

"Would you like some coffee?" he asked.

"No, no, I'll just be a moment. Thank you."

He glanced at me, and I could see the irritation in his special  hetero-something eyes. "So. Ainsley, you'll have that piece on Labor Day  events for me soon?" The reminder that we were at work, in case I  forgot.

"You bet." I would have to start it soon, actually. He left, closing the door behind him.

"Did you see Eric on TV?" Judy asked. "Our hearts are broken! He looked  so handsome, though, didn't he? I don't know what to do, Ainsley! Please  don't give up on him yet."

"Judy, believe me, I-"

"You know how he is with stress. He wet the bed when he went to camp the  first time! When he was eleven and had his first erection, he was  afraid it was cancer. Oh, God. How's that for irony? Maybe we should've  taken him to the doctor back then. Maybe we would've caught it early."

"He did catch it early."

She gripped my hands. "Listen. He's not going to backpack through  Alaska. What if he falls and gets hurt? Who will take care of him?"

"I don't know. I don't care at this point." If only that was true.

"Oh, honey! Don't say that! He's had a meltdown. You can't stop loving  him! You're the best thing that ever happened to him. You do still love  him, don't you?"

I pulled my hands free and rubbed the back of my neck. "I don't know,  Judy. I mean, of course I do. But this new guy...the one who calls me a  corpse and goes on GMA and Jimmy Kimmel...he's completely different."

"I know. It's shock. He loved Nathan like a brother."

"No, Judy, he barely knew Nathan. Nathan was my brother-in-law, and I barely knew Nathan."

She looked at me, her face drawn in concern. "Ainsley, honey. You have  eleven years with our son. That's a third of your life. Don't forget  that!"

"I know. But..." My throat closed, my eyes filled. "He's the one who  forgot, Judy. It's like I'm a stranger he doesn't care about at all  anymore." I swallowed a sob. "He hasn't even been over to see Ollie."

We'd had Ollie for two years. How could a person just ditch his dog like that?

Or his woman?

"He does love you," Judy said. "You just wait, and you'll see. Please.  This cancer scared him so badly. You know that better than anyone. I  think it's post-traumatic stress, that's what I think."         

     



 

I took a breath and swiped under my eyes with my fingertips. "You could be right."

"I am. I know it. I'm his mother, and I know." She kissed my cheek with  vigor and looked into my eyes. "Aaron and I love you, sweetheart. We  want you to be the mother of our grandchildren. You're like a daughter  to us, you know that. Please, just keep an open mind."

"Okay." I hugged her. "I have to get back to work. Talk to you soon."

"I love you."

That caused more tears to flood my eyes. "Love you, too," I whispered.

Judy and Aaron were more like my parents than Candy and Dad. If I lost  Eric, I lost them, too. No more annual Broadway shows, no more  mani/pedis with Judy where we gossiped and laughed. No more beautiful  Hanukkah nights, lighting the candles, Judy exclaiming over the gifts I  chose so carefully. No more vacations where the guys played golf and  Judy and I had a fruity cocktail on the beach.

No more unconditional love.

I went to the bathroom to make sure my mascara hadn't smudged. It had,  of course. I ran a tissue under my eyes, blew my nose and washed my  hands.

When I got back to the desk, there was an email from my boss.

Please refer to page 29 of the employee handbook about personal matters being handled during work hours.

Jonathan Kent, Publisher

Hudson Lifestyle

I typed back, my fingers hammering the keys.

Please refer to the fact that the publisher of Hudson Lifestyle is  making me meet with our problematic blogger, so maybe getting some  insight from his mother about his current mental state isn't the worst  idea in the world.

Ainsley O'Leary, Features Editor

Hudson Lifestyle

A second later, my computer dinged.

You may have a point. Please try to refrain from crying in the bathroom, however. It's bad for morale.

Jonathan Kent, Publisher

Hudson Lifestyle

I typed my response, then deleted all the F-bombs, then realized the F-bombs made up the whole email.

Whatever. I had an article on pumpkins to write.





Chapter Sixteen

Kate

When I got home that night, the house smelled fantastic. Ainsley was in  full 1950s housewife mode, still wearing blocky little heels, an apron  over her cute little flowered dress.

"Wine?" she asked with a smile. "I'm making a roast with mashed  potatoes, braised carrots, a little wilted spinach on the side. And  there's coconut pie for dessert."

"You're amazing, Ainsley." I raised my camera-the Canon, not the Nikon-and took her picture.

Ah. There it was, the real deal. She was confused and angry and sad.  What Eric was doing was a joke-another idiot being controversial whose  fifteen minutes would soon be up.

"How was your day?" she asked, pouring me some vino.

I put down my camera and sat at the soapstone counter. "It was okay," I  lied. "I had lunch with my mother-in-law at the club." There'd been a  line of people-a line-who wanted to talk and pay their respects. My  cheek had been kissed so many times I had a headache from all the Estée  Lauder perfume that seemed to be a requirement of female club members  over sixty. "Eloise is..." My voice choked off.

"I can't imagine how she's coping."

I shook my head. "She always says the right thing, she's nice to  everyone." I hesitated. "But she doesn't want to talk about Nathan. At  least, not with me."

"How's Mr. Coburn?"

"Medicated. Drinking a lot. So we talked about nothing. The only safe topic is Miles and Atticus."

"They're so cute."

Atticus resembled Nathan an awful lot. It was hard to look at him. I  cleared my throat. "I went back to the house, and Mr. Coburn asked if we  could blow up a picture of Nathan for their anniversary party. As a  cutout, you know? He'd been drinking, and..."

Those little strangled noises were coming out of my throat. Not crying,  no, that would be too normal. Just vocal chord spasms as the air tried  to escape from my locked throat.

"Oh, honey." My sister came around the counter and hugged me. Her dog  whimpered, dragging his little baby blanket to me. Sweet puppy.

Last night, I'd had a dream about Nathan. We were hosting a party. I  didn't know anyone there, but it was our house, and as I went to find  Nathan, I saw him heading for the cellar door. I knew in a flash that if  he went through that door, he wouldn't come back, that he'd cross to  the other side. I called to him, and he turned and smiled, that sweet,  sweet smile...and went in anyway. I tried to follow, but the door had  disappeared, and everyone was telling me what a great party it was while  I groped along the wall, trying to find a spring or latch so I could  find Nathan and bring him back.         

     



 

Ainsley was back on her side of the counter, checking the roast.

"I'm so glad you're here," I said, and her face lit up.

"Really? I feel like an idiot half the time."

"You're not. You've been fantastic, Ains." Ollie, aware that someone  other than himself was getting praise, put his paws against my legs.  "And so have you, Ollie-Dollie," I said, picking him up. He had the  silkiest ears in the universe. I could well understand the value of  therapy dogs.